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for someone whose family member is being emotionally
I recently received a letter from
someone who is concerned about a family member being
emotionally and psychologically abused. I have changed
some of the details. This is my response to the letter.
Nov 5, 2007
sorry for the delay. i just read this today.
your letter actually made me get watery eyes. it
hurts me to know of things like this. i admire u
for trying to do something.
this is the kind of thing i have faced over and
over for the past 7 years or so. i have known it
is necessary to get someone away from their
emotionally abusive parents, but the laws make it
nearly impossible to do.
anyhow i really empathize with ur position.
first, what the mother is doing is absolutely
emotional abuse in my opinion.
here are a few suggestions
1. document everything
u see and hear.
2. try to even get some of it tape recorded
if possible without her knowing.
3. keep reassuring your step brother that he
does not deserve that crap and tell him it is
4. talk to someone at his school if u
possibly can without jeopardizing ur
situation in the home so they will be aware
of the situation and hopefully give him extra
5. teach him what invalidation means. if u
dont know, google it. my site will probably
be number one but u can read other stuff too
6. keep writing me for emotional support
7. try to find some other people to give u
emotional support. i am afraid u might be
taking on a lot without much support urself.
8. dont confront the abusive person directly
9 try to show her understanding and give her
emotional support and maybe try very subtly
to get her to express her feelings to u but i
am afraid if u show any signs u are trying to
"stick your nose in things" she
will get defensive and hostile. how is ur
relationship with her so far?
well those are a few for
now. ur role is very important in his mental
health. each abused person needs one adult who
reassures the abused person that they are not the
ones who are bad, wrong, naughty, lazy, etc etc.
and that the problem is the unhappiness, anger,
resentment, unmet emotional needs and lack of
skills of the abuser.
Core Components of
Intelligence | Empathy
Emotional Abuse | Understanding
Literacy | Feeling Words
Respect | Parenting | Caring
Listening | Invalidation | Hugs
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