Stacie

14 as of Sept 2005

Stacie is another sweet, sensitive, intelligent, funny suicidal teen. She lives in northern England.

Here is part of a convo we had on Saturday September 3, 2005 when was talking about wanting to kill herself and planning to do it that Monday.

I will probably put more on about Stacie when I have time. But this gives you an idea of who she is, how she thinks and feels. And how she tries to cope with her emotional pain.

On this day Stacie's name was: by the minute, the hour, the day, you slowly take away my sanity

I've changed it to just "Stacie" to make it easier to read the convo.

Stacie says:
hey iv been thinkin. n im gunna od on monday
steve says:
hey
steve says:
whats been going on
steve says:
its been a long time...
Stacie says:
everything   literally
steve says:
aw
steve says:
hug
steve says:
like what
Stacie says:
s, family m8s love school
Stacie says:
hug
steve says:
hug back
steve says:
k tell me about it some more
steve says:
whats up with s
Stacie says:
typo
steve says:
oh
Stacie says:
(she sent some funny emoticon which didn't copy here)
steve says:
ur bf is s i thought
steve says:
lol
steve says:
shayne or something isnt it
Stacie says:
i slit my wrist agen 2day    n me n shayne r ova
Stacie says:
im with thom now, kinda
steve says:
what happened with shayne
Stacie says:
hes in london im in xxxxx
steve says:
yeah
steve says:
that sucks
steve says:
hey do u want to talk to a guy whos online now
steve says:
named lloyd
Stacie says:
sure
Stacie says:
wheres he from?
Stacie says:
n how old?
steve says:
hmm ill let  u ask him okay?
Stacie says:
ok sure
steve says:
i love that picture btw
steve says:
lol
Stacie says:
  ty

Then Stacie and LLoyd (aka Pink) started talking in another window, but Stacie and I kept talking in this window.

Stacie says:
hey is it ok if i add u pink?
Stacie says:
sorry wrong convo
steve says:
lol
steve says:
too much whiskey...?

They were talking about whiskey in the other window.

Stacie says:
i do vodka   brb
steve says:
lol great
steve says:
hey do u want to just talk here
steve says:
im worried about u
steve says:
are u really really feeling like killing urself hun
Stacie says:
dw, i wnt b here long.. end of i guess. n yes i am
Stacie says:
iv planned how 2 get the drugs n wen n evrythin
steve says:
shit stacie
steve says:
im crying now
steve says:
hug
Stacie says:
sorry hunny
Stacie says:
hug
steve says:
tell me what else has been going on
steve says:
or list me some feelings
Stacie says:
school im doin my final exams
my m8s slaggin me off bhind my back
my bf is unna dumo me coz of the distance
family is fuked as always
steve says:
hug
Stacie says:
oh n my bro trashed his room yestersday
steve says:
what do u mean
Stacie says:
he is drinkin and on pills n yesterday he fucked his room up
steve says:
were u scared or were u there or how did u feel
steve says:
how old is he btw
Stacie says:
21
steve says:
hug
Stacie says:
n i just wanted 2 help him i didnt care if he hit me
Stacie says:
hug
steve says:
damn i wish i could just hug u right now stacie
steve says:
seriously
steve says:
how would u feel if i was crying and u saw me
Stacie says:
yah i need a hug
Stacie says:
id b with u n stop u from crying
steve says:
*sends u huge hug*
steve says:
yeah i think u would too
steve says:
ur a sweet person stacie
Stacie says:
yay  huggles back
steve says:
just have had a shit life till now
Stacie says:
thanx, u 2 steve   uv helped me thru pure shit b4
steve says:
*tears*
Stacie says:
why hun?
Stacie says:
aww  hug
steve says:
i dont feel like ive done much
steve says:
we hardly talk
steve says:
but thanks
Stacie says:
sorry brb dads shoutin me
steve says:
great
steve says:
hug
steve says:
tell me what he says when u come back
Stacie says:
just tellin me i shud eat sumin n if i dnt he will stop me from smokin so 
now i gotta eat
steve says:
lol
steve says:
k
steve says:
how do u feel
Stacie says:
brb my m8s r havin a go n i feel pissed off
steve says:
hug
steve says:
i feel love for u stacie
Stacie says:
thanks hun
steve says:
hug
steve says:
see note in other convo...

...where I said I woul be gone for a while but back online soon.

steve says:
lol
steve says:
bye for now stacie. please dont kill urself, at least till weve talked 
again!
steve says:
do u think ull be on for a while longer
steve says:
hug
Stacie says:
i cnt promise anything sorry hun
Stacie says:
hug
steve says:
oh stacie i wish i could do more...
Stacie says:
uv dun a lot already   more than any1 else
steve says:
i feel bad leaving now but i think i will be back on soon
steve says:
thanks but its not enuff
Stacie says:
kk and it is hun no1 can stop me this time
steve says:
ur really scaring me
Stacie says:
sorry hun   u need 2 kno wer ill b.. or wnt b
steve says:
well lets keep talking for a while, k?
Stacie says:
now?
steve says:
yeah
Stacie says:
dnt u have to go?
steve says:
at least i will know more of whats going on
steve says:
i cant leave now
steve says:
im crying
steve says:
no way would i leave thinking i might never talk to u again
Stacie says:
sory hunny
steve says:
id lose laura first
Stacie says:
no way hunny!
Stacie says:
i shud neva cum 1st
steve says:
she might leave and go home but she wouldnt kill herself
Stacie says:
ok hun just i promise ill wait till u get back if u go see her now
steve says:
i understand how u feel but well, i just cant leave u now
steve says:
i dont trust u!
steve says:
u might just be saying that
steve says:
to get me to go
Stacie says:

she sent some other emoticon but I don't remember what it was now

steve says:
hug
Stacie says:
hug
Stacie says:
hug
Stacie says:
i wudnt lie 2 u
steve says:
hug
steve says:
lol
Stacie says:

some other funny graphic

steve says:
ur funny even when u want to die
steve says:
i love u stacie
steve says:
tho i hardly know u
steve says:
i do feel love for u
Stacie says:
i love u 2   same like i said, i kno how i feel str8 away
steve says:
hug
steve says:
hey stacie,,,,
steve says:
what would help u feel better right now
Stacie says:
death?
steve says:
k besides that
Stacie says:
umm.. punchin a wall agen but my fists r 2 sore
steve says:
k then would u do that for me instead of taking the pills?
Stacie says:
  must i?
steve says:
but before u do that tell me what else would help u feel better
Stacie says:
u hug, a real hug
Stacie says:
sorry brb hun
steve says:
k
Stacie says:
back, sorry im so busy with my friends
steve says:
k
steve says:
its okay
steve says:
hug
Stacie says:
hug
steve says:
whats going on now with them
steve says:
god ur fucking sweet stacie

then Darren came on line and I asked him if he wanted to meet Stacie and he said okay and I added him without asking Stacie because I was pretty sure it would be okay with her

Darren's name was [DTMX][Ex-Axis][False hope Failure][Behind Blue Eyes] Cats + Stuff = Awesome!! 

  Se agregó a Darren a la conversación.

steve says:
im inviting darren btw
Stacie says:
chaz is stressin at me mands upset n dan wants 2 die aswell but i cnt go 
till i kno they r all safe
 
Darren says:
hey
Stacie says:
k
Stacie says:
heya
Stacie says:
how r u?
 
Darren says:
hey, umm, im ok thn and yourself?
Stacie says:
dnt ask
Darren says:
aww, ok
Stacie says:
u ok steve?
steve says:
lol
steve says:
ur so sweet
steve says:
ur ready to die and asking how i am
Stacie says:
im a bitch
steve says:
im sure
steve says:
a total bitch
steve says:
lol
Stacie says:

Stacie says:
ty
steve says:
but i like challenges
Stacie says:
this challenge is on a game over soon
steve says:
hug
 
Darren says:
hug
Stacie says:
sowwy guys
steve says:
ok so what is ur plan exactly
steve says:
and if darren came and gave u a hug or had sex with you would u not want to die do u 
think?
Stacie says:
ok well my bro dus drugs n i kno his m8s so im gunna get sum shit off them n 
monday night im goin to inject myself
Stacie says:
had sex?   omg im no slut
steve says:
lol
steve says:
u dont like sex???
steve says:
i thought everyone did!
Stacie says:
not with random guys
 
Darren says:
what? this plan is new to me.,.
steve says:
lol
 
Darren says:
lol
Stacie says:

steve says:
darren is not random, hes my mate
Stacie says:
but if hes hot...
steve says:
lol
 
Darren says:
awesome
steve says:
show her ur pic darren
Stacie says:

 
Darren says:
umm, i would,. but i had to wipe my pc..
 
Darren says:
hang on..
Stacie says:
okies
Stacie says:
wer dus darren live?
steve says:
ask him!
Stacie says:
he sed hang on
steve says:
england. thats all i know
steve says:
oh
steve says:
lol
Stacie says:
i dnt want to be rude
steve says:
good point!
Stacie says:

steve says:
be rude
 
Darren says:
lol, newbury, down south
Stacie says:
haha
steve says:
ur a bitch remember
Stacie says:
ah im in the north, xxxxxx
 
Darren says:
aah..
Stacie says:
not a rude bitch tho   im a bitch with manners
steve says:
ok
steve says:
thanks for clarifying that
Stacie says:
anytime
steve says:
i love u stacIE
 

I spelled it stacIE because one time I wrote stacy and she corrected me.

Darren says:
lol
steve says:
im glad lauras not here!
Stacie says:
love u 2 FBI dude

she said this because in one convo I said something like if she was a bitch then i was an fbi agent

steve says:
shed be a bit insecure at this point
steve says:
lol
steve says:
fbi dude
Stacie says:

steve says:
lol
Stacie says:
darren may i add u 2 my msn?
steve says:
just add him
steve says:
be rude
 
Darren says:
yeah
steve says:
for a change!
 
Darren says:

steve says:
lol
Stacie says:
kool ty
steve says:
u brits are so fucking polite
steve says:
we americans arent!
 
Darren says:
i noticed
Stacie says:

steve says:
tho i hate to call myself american
steve says:
lol
steve says:
hey is lloyd back?
 
Darren says:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v493/DTMX/bamnbasstop.jpg  really gay band 
promo pic from a while back
Stacie says:
yea hes drunk
Stacie says:
ill check it out
 
Darren says:
Oh steve im 17 now
Stacie says:
im only 14
 
Darren says:
aww
steve says:
cool
Stacie says:
aww ur cute   i look like a rocker, im a rocker too
steve says:
ur 14 stacie!!!??
steve says:
damn
steve says:
whens ur bday?
Stacie says:
yah 11th march
 
Darren says:
yay   so are you aswell so its a fair system
Stacie says:
  kool
Stacie says:
steve?
steve says:
im not sure which window to talk to u in!
steve says:
i love u tho stacie
steve says:
i just had to say it again
Stacie says:
  im confuddled
Stacie says:
hehe ur sweet
steve says:
i cant say i love u to guys as easily
 
Darren says:
lol
Stacie says:
  fair enough
Stacie says:
brb
steve says:
do u like hugs from guys or girls more
Stacie says:
me?
steve says:
oh i forgot darren was reading this!
steve says:
lol
Stacie says:
both     brb
 
Darren says:
lol
Stacie says:
s`ok im bi so what     brb
 
Darren says:
hey, still here!
steve says:
lol
 
Darren says:
yay for bi people
steve says:
everyone in england is bi i think
steve says:
lol
steve says:
everyone under 18 anyhow
 
Darren says:
lol, almost
 
Darren says:
all stereotypical "emo" people apparently
steve says:
whats emo?
 
Darren says:
umm, the whole self harming broken homes, broken relationships thing..
 
Darren says:
its so cliquedf over here
 
Darren says:
cliqued*.
Stacie says:
back
steve says:
why do they say emo
Stacie says:
emotional
 
Darren says:
shortened "emotional"
Stacie says:
see i kno
Stacie says:
brb
steve says:
like to be emotional is a bad thing?
 
Darren says:
umm, i dunno, because it never used to be, but now its in "fashion" to slit 
your wrists and stuff over here, so its like it all for attention seeking 
apparently
Stacie says:
txt off thom   brb
steve says:
k stacie..
Stacie says:
we r meetin next weekend   how do i tell him i wnt b here?
Stacie says:
and im goth
steve says:
lol
steve says:
well i give a shit if u are goth or anything else stacie
steve says:
i love u
steve says:
hug
Stacie says:
hug aww ty love u 2
steve says:
and who are u talking about meeting next week?
Stacie says:
u   i dnt kno wot to do   shud i meet him/ or die?
 
Darren says:
i'd go with the first one
steve says:
me 2
Stacie says:
  i dnt kno i mean.. i wanna die
steve says:
let darren and i make decisions for u
steve says:
lol
steve says:
hug
steve says:
u need love stacie
steve says:
thats all
Stacie says:
  hug
Stacie says:
yah n i dnt get it
steve says:
and there are pple who will love u for who u are if u stay aliev
steve says:
im sure of it
steve says:
and i will introduce u to them
Stacie says:
ur 1 of them
steve says:
yeah but im taken
steve says:
lol
steve says:
but if i werent
Stacie says:
not in that way
steve says:
lol
steve says:
ok
Stacie says:
u live in USA   utherwise..
steve says:
im in peru!
steve says:
but what about darren?
Stacie says:
oh hehe
Stacie says:
what about him?
steve says:
hes available i think!
steve says:
i think hed love u for who u are
Stacie says:
he wnt want me n i hardly kno him
 
Darren says:
awesome i can drive in like 2 weeks ish
steve says:
hes cool
steve says:
and lives a lot closer!
Stacie says:
  awsome
steve says:
and can drive in 2 weeks
steve says:
lol
steve says:
so hang on for two weeks at least!
Stacie says:
yeah itd bb kool 2 meet him he sounds awsome
 
Darren says:
sweet..
 
Darren says:
well, if you are gonna go thru with it, get enough for 2 and ill come up and 
jpoin you..
Stacie says:
yay a suicide pact
 
Darren says:
wow.. i should start thinking before i say stuff..
Stacie says:
nah i wudnt let u die
 
Darren says:
soz..
 
Darren says:
why not?
Stacie says:
u seem kool n i aint draggin u down with me
 
Darren says:
and?> you seem kool
 
Darren says:
i wouldnt let you go down
Stacie says:
  u cnt stop me
 
Darren says:
cant i?
Stacie says:

 
Darren says:
why not?
Stacie says:
how wud u?
 
Darren says:
i could come up and stop you
Stacie says:
u dnt kn wer i live
Stacie says:
brb
 
Darren says:
xxxxxx? isnt that close enough to prove a point?
 
Darren says:
if i leave now i can be there at like half ten tonight, lol
Stacie says:
  wer in xxxxx?
Stacie says:
u dnt kno wer i am
Stacie says:
brb chaz is havin a go
 
Darren says:
so your saying if i went up to xxxxxx on a train, you would still do it 
because i wouldnt know where you were?
 
Darren says:
ok
steve says:
im still here btw, kind of, but laura just came and we are talking a bit...
 
Darren says:
kewel
Stacie says:
ok
steve says:
k im here again
steve says:
stacie i want to tell u something
steve says:
and its the truth
steve says:
well i will just copy it
Stacie says:
ok
steve says:

.. this is what i copied from my convo with darren in another window 

steve says:
sorry. im not ignoring u
steve says:
but lets change topics a sec
steve says:
would u really be able to go to see stacie
 
Darren says:
umm, yeah its a 5 hour train ride
 
Darren says:
but yeah

steve says:
 
Darren says:
if it would save her life..
steve says:
yeah
steve says:
thats cool
steve says:
thanks
 
Darren says:
and id be broke after but y'know, lol
..

Stacie says:
  but all i need is a hug from sum1 hu understands me   n id love 2 meet him
steve says:
yeah
steve says:
i know
steve says:
hug
Stacie says:
hug
steve says:
my friends are the best stacie.
steve says:
we will take care of u
steve says:
and give u all the hugs u need
steve says:
thats what the point of what i am doing is, ya know?
steve says:
for all of u to help each other
Stacie says:
yah
steve says:
and i know u would do the same for darren
steve says:
i dont even have to ask
Stacie says:
dan n mand hugged me after they read what i put   but they dnt understand me 
|
steve says:
yeah
Stacie says:
and id do anything for anyone
steve says:
its better when pple understand
Stacie says:
yah it is
steve says:
but what dont they understand?
steve says:
or lets say its better when we feel understood
 
Darren says:
brb.. need to find munch.,..
Stacie says:
how i feel and y, b4 listenin 2 me finish they will but in n doubt me
Stacie says:
and hb
steve says:
what do u mean... they will interrupt u?
Stacie says:
yea
steve says:
then what kind of things do they say
 
Darren says:
back
steve says:
and i want to say again i love u.. but i dont want to interrupt! lol but 
thats probably not an interruption which bothers u!
Stacie says:
thati shud just hold on but they dnt kno how hard it is
Stacie says:
n wb
Stacie says:
  i love u 2 n ty
steve says:
lol
 
Darren says:
thank you :0
 
Darren says:
:0
 
Darren says:
/*
steve says:
k so anyhow before i forget laura came and things are cool with us just so u 
know and wont worry stacie
steve says:
oh yeah wb darren
Stacie says:
ok good
steve says:
my manners are shit
steve says:
lol
Stacie says:

steve says:
k anyhow, what if u asked ur friends if they can just listen till ur done 
talking? how do u think they would take it?
Stacie says:
i dnt kno
 
Darren says:
if you need to talk to anyone in like person, you could like call me or 
something, ill listen..
steve says:
thats kind of u darren
Stacie says:
thanx darren
Stacie says:
ur really nice
steve says:
yeah we need to set up a phone support line thing
 
Darren says:
  its just like, the least anyone could do..
steve says:
not just chatting
Stacie says:
yah but i cnt afford it
steve says:
then later we will set up a visiting system somehow
 
Darren says:
well should, not in this fucked up "democracy " we live in
Stacie says:
thatd b awsome
 
Darren says:
yeah
steve says:
yeah its really needed
Stacie says:
true
steve says:
teens need to help each other cuz adults dont know how
Stacie says:
ur great steve   ur like me u help ppl all the time n its all y do
Stacie says:
just dnt let it bring u down
 
Darren says:
i was walking down the street yesterday and some charity person comes up and 
starts talking to me about how to help people, then asks me how old i am, i 
say im 17 and she cgoes "oh your too young then" and walks off.
steve says:
*tears* ok im crying a bit but not like depressed tears, more like loving 
and feeling appreciated tears
 
Darren says:
england sucks..
steve says:
and that sucks about the lady
 
Darren says:
hugs to both, and everyone!
steve says:
darren wanted to be a volunteer with the samaritans
Stacie says:
group hug
steve says:
and they said he was too young
steve says:
aw
steve says:
lol
Stacie says:
that sux ass
Stacie says:
aww
steve says:
ur both so cool
Stacie says:
yeah u r
steve says:
which reminds me darren, what happened to mili
steve says:
i havent talked to her in ages
steve says:
shes so sweet too
 
Darren says:
umm, shes cool, her boyfrined is still a dick
 
Darren says:
i might go kill him today actually
steve says:
um...
Stacie says:
aww poor mili
steve says:
not sure thats a good idea
 
Darren says:
i am..
steve says:
lol
Stacie says:
dnt go 2 jail for a fuck nut
 
Darren says:
i wont, ill go to broadmoor
steve says:
it would be hard to go see stacie from a prison cell tho!
steve says:
whats broadmoor
Stacie says:
  yeah
 
Darren says:
its an asylum, not a prison
steve says:
ah
steve says:
do they let u out to visit ur suicidal friends
steve says:
lol?
 
Darren says:
one of my exes dads is in there
Stacie says:
K2?
 
Darren says:
lol, nah, but they've locked me up before, quite a nice place
Stacie says:
skitzo ward?
Stacie says:

Stacie says:
i hate them
 
Darren says:
nah, just "home for the criminally minded"
Stacie says:
ah ok
 
Darren says:
all like the nailbombers and stuff went, there, as did ian huntly
Stacie says:
wow
Stacie says:
hes a dick
 
Darren says:
you know that story steve?
 
Darren says:
the whole ian huntly thing?
steve says:
noope
steve says:
nada
steve says:
nothing
 
Darren says:
he seemed a pretty nice guy actually
Stacie says:

 
Darren says:
he raped and killed 2 ten year old girls
steve says:
ew

--

steve says:
cuz i get judged so much just for liking to talk to teenagers
Stacie says:
bastards they r just anoyed cuz ur kinder by them
 

--

Darren says:
at this festival i was at at the weekend, its like awesome, we were 
next to these 2 gay guys and it was like awesome, could talk like about 
anything and it was awesome
--

Darren says:
im gonna get kicked out of psycology so fast next year...
 
Darren says:
well like next week
Stacie says:
i wanna b a psycologist
 
Darren says:
be a revolutionary one
steve says:
cool
 
Darren says:
none of this doctor crap..
steve says:
u can work with me stacie
Stacie says:
thatd b awsome
 
Darren says:
oh steve im not sure if i mailed you about that
steve says:
u dont need a stupid degree or title either
steve says:
about what?
 
Darren says:
do you have any idea where you'll be next year
 
Darren says:
im taking a gap year
Stacie says:
hu?
 
Darren says:
steve..
Stacie says:
ah ok
 
Darren says:
  i have food downstairs
Stacie says:
u smoke darren? n go get it
steve says:
ah yeah im here darren. yeah u wrote me
steve says:
that would be awesome if u came
steve says:
bring stacie!
Stacie says:
wait..
 
Darren says:
umm, i smoke drugs if that counts?
Stacie says:
umm shayne has also just turned 17 and is drivin soon.. and hes in the south
steve says:
and emily and any one else u want!
 
Darren says:
emily?
steve says:
would u stay alive for shayne?
Stacie says:
NO
steve says:
who is emily?
steve says:
and why did u say no stace
 
Darren says:
yeah,
Stacie says:
we r ova n he hurt me
Stacie says:
shayne that is
steve says:
how did he hurt u
Stacie says:
he just ditched me cuz of the distance
steve says:
aw
steve says:
very dumb move!
Stacie says:
yup
Stacie says:
but now i have thom.. kinda
 
Darren says:
but your putting it all on the line?
 
Darren says:
you could stay and see everything..
Stacie says:
no but hes givin u coz of distance too, hes almost 19
 
Darren says:
and? look at steve? (no offence) look at his relationships, age has no 
effect! as longh as both parties consent and are happy then its fine!
Stacie says:
yeah i kno that but he dnt like it
steve says:
laura is 22 btw stacie if u didnt know
steve says:
and i loved a girl younger than that in australia!
Stacie says:
wow
steve says:
it was the happiest month of my life i think
 
Darren says:
is that loved as in a verb
Stacie says:
thats kool
steve says:
then her parents messed it up
Stacie says:
aww
steve says:
what else is loved besides a verb??
 
Darren says:
well theres the "act" of loving someone, and theres the feeling of loving 
sdomeone
Stacie says:
a representitive
Stacie says:
brb
 
Darren says:
sorry.. im nto really with it..
steve says:
it was
steve says:
oops hit enter too soon
 
Darren says:
some song lyrics that have some meaning, to me at least 
http://www.lyrics007.com/Switchfoot%20Lyrics/Meant%20To%20Live%20Lyrics.html
 
Darren says:
lol
steve says:
it was mostly feeling and a lot of hugging and talking
 
Darren says:
sorry, im a guy.. so my mind immediatly thinks..
steve says:
sex?
steve says:
no we never had sex if that is what u mean!
 
Darren says:
i cant help it
steve says:
she wanted to wait
steve says:
i didnt care cuz it was so nice to hug her and be in love
 
Darren says:
yeah..
steve says:
it was really good. it still hurts that i lost her.
steve says:
or i was robbed more accurately
steve says:
those are good lyrics
steve says:
where is stacie?
steve says:
and what is providence?
 
Darren says:
she brb'd
 
Darren says:
and i have no idea
steve says:
lol
steve says:
k

-----

I'm not sure why I don't have the rest of the convo saved. This is all I have. It might be in my inbox or something. I may look for it later, but like I said, this gives you an idea about Stacie and her life.