Publications & Donations
Note: I decided to stop trying to sell my booklets through the mail because I was never getting around to printing them and mailing them out. Someday if I get some help I may start to sell them again.
EQ for Everybody 1996 Edition - The full text from my first book.
The following articles were written in the early stages of own personal growth process.
Freedom of Choice - The thesis of this article is that the only thing we have to do is die. Everything else is a choice. To a much higher degree than most realize, we choose our thoughts, our feelings, and our beliefs as well as our actions.
Spiritual Path - A personal story of Steve's own path towards a sense of connection with others, and an introduction to his ideas about the inseparability of the mind and "spirit".
Leisure - This article addresses the issue of work, leisure and material success in American society. It suggests that those who are chasing the wrong goals will still be unsatisfied even if they reach them.
Self-Esteem -- Discusses what it is, where it comes from, and how to develop it. Suggests a list of signs of high and low self-esteem. Shows the
connection to feelings.
Consequences - Natural vs. Fabricated or Contrived
Table of Contents for 1999 Booklet
Table of Contents (Nov. 98)
Introduction. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .5
My Personal Philosophy. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .5
A Few of My Underlying Beliefs. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .5
Anger . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .7
Primary vs. Secondary Feelings. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .7
Anger as a Response to Fear . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .8
Awareness . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11
Acknowledging Feelings. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11
Identifying Specific Feelings . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11
Forecasting Feelings. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 12
The Brain . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 14
The Upper and Lower Brains. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 14
The Baby's Brain. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 14
Downshifting. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 14
Conflict Resolution . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16
Seek to Understand. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16
Seek to Be Understood . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16
Mutually Generate Options & Resolutions . . . . . . . . . 16
Definitions of Emotional Intelligence . . . . . . . . . . . . 18
Emotional Literacy. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19
Miscommunicating. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19
Indirect Communication. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 21
Non-verbal Communication. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 22
Empathy, Compassion, Understanding. . . . . . . . . . . . . . 24
Empathy and Conscience. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 25
EQ-Based Decision Making. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 26
EQ-Based Listening. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 27
Feeling Loved . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 29
Confusion Between Love and Need . . . . . . . . . . . . . 29
Feeling Words . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 30
Friendships . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 31
Gender Myths. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 34
Happiness . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 35
How To Raise Your EQ. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 36
Things You Can Do Alone . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 36
Things You Can Do with Others . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 37
Human Emotional Needs . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 39
Invalidation. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 40
Summary of Invalidation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 45
Negative Emotions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 46
Unmet Emotional Needs (UENžs) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 46
Getting a Positive Value Out of Negative Emotions . . . . 46
Feeling Disappointed, Resentful or Bitter . . . . . . . . 46
Feeling Guilty. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 47
Respect . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 49
Showing and Earning Respect . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 49
Measuring Respect . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 51
Authority, Fear and Respect . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 51
Confusion Between Respect and Fear. . . . . . . . . . . . 52
Romantic Relationships. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 54
Relationship Wrecking Feelings. . . . . . . . . . . . . . 57
Self-Esteem . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 59
Feelings Associated with High Self-Esteem . . . . . . . . 60
Signs of High and Low EQ. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 62
Signs of High EQ. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 62
Signs of Low EQ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 63
Validation. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 65
Values & Feelings . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 67
Ways of Avoiding Our Feelings . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 69
Appendix A- More Feeling Words . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 70
Appendix B - For Parents &Teachers . . . . . . . . . . . . . 72
The Importance of EI in Education . . . . . . . . . . . . 72
Consequences-Natural vs. Fabricated . . . . . . . . . . . 73
Discipline. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 74
Empathy, Conscience and Morality. . . . . . . . . . . . . 75
Fear and Safety . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 76
More Suggestions. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 78
Negative Emotions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 81
Respect . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 82
Values and Feelings . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 83
Summary . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 84
Appendix C - Social Commentary. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 85
Rights vs. Needs. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 85
Values. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 86
Appendix D - Suggested Readings . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 88
Appendix E - A Brief Review of EI Literature . . . . . . . . 90
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