12:15 pm - Well someone sent me this video... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KIfw-ljOQGg

Not just someone, but someone who has been reading my site for several years. Hug to her...

Anyhow, it motivated me to want to write that something about the times when I feel depressed and when I feel undepressed.

If you have been reading my site you know I have been extremely depressed, for example, since Priscilla left me and since they nearly kicked me out of the house I am living in here in Uruguay. I haven't forgiven Priscilla for not even acknowledging that when I told her, btw. She said much later she was too busy with taking care of Angela... She never really apologized as I recall. If she would apologize it would help me forgive her. Well that is all a pretty long story. Anyhow, I also was abandoned by someone named Marie from France who was helping me for a little while. So yeah I was pretty depressed. just about one year ago in particular. I was also very depressed about a month ago when I was in a medium size city called Pelotas in Brazil. I could tell you exactly why I was depressed, but it would take longer than I want to spend now.

What I want to say is that when I met B I instantly felt undepressed. I felt in love. It was a really nice feeling - one I hadn't felt in a very long time. We have had our up and downs since then but even at the two worst times, when I was thinking of leaving her and when she was thinking of leaving me, I wasn't nearly as depressed as I was either last year or in Pelotas.

I knew I had to get away from the place I was staying in Pelotas and get away from the people I had been spending time with there. I met B then I went back to a guy named Fabio's place where I stayed before in Sao Paulo and only felt depressed or maybe more just very alone and insecure on the nights that I wasnt with B and I wasnt sure if she was ever going to see me again.

I want to contrast this and my life with what the guy in the video says. Well I want to say a lot about the video but I'm not feeling patient enough to say it all. So I will say a few things.

- So far he has never mentioned his parents. I am sure his parents screwed him up. Plus, he is from England, a very emotionally dysfunctional place, like the USA.

- He has been convinced he has a mental disease....

- He agrees with the cognitive therapy which says there is nothing wrong with society, there is only something wrong with your way of thinking. (Of course they don't say it quite like that)

- He justifies everything that was done to him. He says it was necessary that they locked him up, put him in the room called a fishbowl etc. He also didnt complain much about the police putting him in handcuffs etc.

- He has probably never thought about he fact that he has been more controlled than cared about. He probably believes all the people who have controlled him really do care about him, for example his parents, who I am guessing are divorced.

- I would guess all the time he was locked up they never talked to him about his emotional needs.

So those are a few things I wanted to say.

Ok here is something else... I am still watching it.

Around 20 minutes in he says you have to go to the doctors if you have a long period of feeling low. Well, I would say from experience that you don't have to go to the doctors. You have to get what you need from the people around you. First you have to know what you need, which I think I do now. You have to get away from people who you can't talk to, are afraid to talk to, are afraid to be honest with and who you feel worse after talking to.

The guy says there is absolutely no difference between a mental illness and any other illness and that people should support you if you are trying to recover from a mental illness thes same as if they would if it was another illness. But first, if I had an illness then why did it suddenly go way when I met B? And why did it go away when I met Marie and she was helping me last year and then "came back" when she abandoned me? Second, if you have an actual medical illness it isn't threatening to many people because it doesn't suggest there is anything wrong with society. But if you are depressed and you suggest things like your parents are the main reason you are depressed, the school system is another reason you are depressed, the materialistic society is another reasion, the needless war and destruction is another, feeling alone is another, all the religion in the world is another, then lots of people will feel threatened and not support you. They will just reject you, leaving you feeling more alone, outnumbered and discouraged.

- Also, he starts out by saying he thought the voice in his head was an angel. This tells us a lot. Later he says it changed to the devil. So he has obviously been damaged by dysfunctional religious beliefs, but he never mentions this either.

- His video is like an advertisement for psychologists, pychiatrists and drug companies.


After I watched that video I searched this in Youtube

recovery from depression without medication


It was interesting but it doesn't say much about how the people actually recovered - or said another way, got their unmet needs met.

The video is by Daniel Mackler btw. I used to talk to him a bit but he kind of blew me off a couple times. Once when Priscilla and Angela were in Portugal and Mackler was over in Europe somewhere and I wrote to him and asked where he was or something, hoping me might be able to meet and help A and P or they might be able to go where he was, but he never replied. I haven't forgiven him for that either! Amd he never apologized I am pretty sure or ever wrote me to see how I was doing. I feel pretty bitter about it right now. Not cared about let's say. Also, one more thing - I asked him to take a look at this once - my HPET idea- and he didn't reply. I wrote him later and asked him if he had looked at it and he just said something like no, i didn't have time.

I also don't feel very appreciated by him. I spent a lot of time making a page on him.. http://eqi.org/p1/authors/daniel_mackler/ It seems to me he could have made time to look at the link I sent him. So I don't feel valued by him.