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Maybe She Doesn't Hit You...

 

Here is an article about emotional "partner abuse". It is about a hashtag called "MaybeHeDoesntHitYou. This is a relatively safe thing to talk about. But what if we changed it to MaybeSheDoesntHitYou and made it about mothers who don't hit their children and teens, but who do basically the same things as an abusive partner? I suspect not many people would want to talk or write about that. And I suspect not many people would share their stories, especially not using their real names, especially not if they were still under 18 and still living with the abusive mother.

I focus on mothers, not fathers, because that is what I have the most experience with and because I believe mothers are more skilled at verbal and emotional abuse than fathers.

Here are some quotes from the article.

Abuse isn’t always obvious from the outside.

Emotional and verbal abuse can hurt just as much as physical violence...

Signs of emotional abuse can range from private comments to public shaming,

Some examples include telling the victim they can’t do anything right, being jealous of the victim spending time with friends or family, embarrassing the victim, telling the victim how to dress or look, and much more

The fact is, maybe your partner (or mother) doesn’t hit you, but that doesn’t mean what you’re experiencing isn’t abuse.

I recently tried to help a 15 year old trans teen named Alex whose mother didn't hit him.... but she was extremely abusive nonetheless. This teen has a very high risk of suicide in the future. His school counselor and the staff at the mental hospital where his mother sent hun as a way of controlling him did not take the emotional abuse seriously. So they made no effort to either find him a safe place to live or try to teach the mother how to be less abusive. His school classmates and their mothers also did not believe his mother was being abusive. One called the idea that the mother was emotionally abusive "nonsense" and "a conspiracy theory."


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http://www.teenvogue.com/story/hashtag-maybe-he-doesnt-hit-you-relationship-violence.

This Hashtag Shows How Abuse Is Way More Than Just Physical

"#MaybeHeDoesntHitYou, but you need his approval for everything."

May 12, 2016 10:31AM

Abuse isn’t always obvious from the outside. You might think of partner abuse as just physical violence, but the reality is that it’s often much less obvious than that. Emotional and verbal abuse can hurt just as much as physical violence, which is what writer and artist Zahira Kelly tries to show with the hashtag she started earlier this month. #MaybeHeDoesn’tHitYou resonated with women across the internet, showing the prevalence and pain of emotional abuse, a form of dating violence that isn’t as often recognized.

Zahira told the Huffington Post that she started telling stories about her own and her friends’ experience with emotional abuse because she wanted to shine light on how painful emotional abuse can be.

“The initial tweets were about me and people close to me,” she told the Huffington Post. “Abuse culture is something most women experience, and at higher rates for women of color like me. But we get very little support for it and are rarely equipped to suss it out.”

According to Safe Voices, a domestic violence resource, one in every four women will experience some form of domestic violence, but most cases won’t be reported. Among those ages 11-14, 62% who have been in a relationship report they know someone who has been verbally or emotionally abused, and more than 1 in 4 teenage girls in relationships report having been verbally abused. In fact, young women are most likely to experience some form of abuse, with women between 16 and 24 experiencing the highest per capita rates of intimate partner violence.

Signs of emotional abuse can range from private comments to public shaming, according to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. Some examples include telling the victim they can’t do anything right, being jealous of the victim spending time with friends or family, embarrassing the victim, telling the victim how to dress or look, and much more.

Zahira tweeted about this last example, noting that abuse can mean your partner throwing a tantrum because you cut your hair without telling him.

Other women across the internet shared their experiences, showing that abuse isn’t limited to physical violence. Read through some of these tweets so you know the signs of abuse, and are able to call it out when you see it. The fact is, maybe your partner doesn’t hit you, but that doesn’t mean what you’re experiencing isn’t abuse.

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Here is an other article they suggested:

What You Need to Know About the Teen Suicide Spike in Silicon Valley