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Alex S. 15 years old
On July 3, 2016, Alex S., a 15 year old transgender boy, sent me an email with the subject:
Here are excerpts
Notice the word "isolates". That is what his birth mother is doing again as I write this. She is isolating him from his local friends and his online support by having him confined in a mental hospital where she has not allowed his friends and classmates to call or visit. When she found out his best friend Maddie was talking to me and the members of my online support group, she took Maddie off of the visitor/call list.
As far as I know, no family members have visited either, except the mother, who I believe he does not want to see.
getting support from EQI.org and some teens in our online
support group. He was also getting support from other
support and informational websites. All of that support
has now been denied him.
I have also
tried to reach out to other family members and his school
counselor, all with no success in getting Alex help and
If you would
like to see more details of what is happening, you can
join or follow this Facebook group
Please help me help him.
Jan 7 - Alex has now been released from the mental hospital. But he was sent back to his birth mother's house. As far as I can tell he still has no support in his community. No one at school, not even his classmates believe that his birth mother is emotionally abusive, so no one is trying to help him find a safe place to live.
Like father like son?
Alex's father killed himself when Alex was 12. I suspect one of the main contributing factors was the emotioinally abusive mother, who of course had herself been abused.
If you want to stop teen suicide, please write Please help me
I originally had Alex's last name on this
page. I thought that would help people in his community
take his case seriously and he would feel supported. But
instead the people there have basically all turned
against him so the publicity was causing more problems
for him. I also wanted to make his name known because he
said he wanted to write about abuse so he could help
other teens, like Dave Pelzer. I also wanted him to start
writing for this site, EQI.
Parents of Friends
|Audio of Alex
reading a list of some of things his mother, Beth S.,
says and does to him. He is speaking to his high school
guidance counselor, in the Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania area.
He had a printed copy of the list which he took to the hospital, in the belief someone would be interested. Instead, they took it away from him, calling it "contraband."
Questions - Need vs Rights
Perhaps the main question is:
Does Alex have a legal right to what he needs? Unfortunately, the answer is a resounding "No."
- He needs emotional support, he does not have a right to it.
- He needs legal help. He does not have a right to it.
- He needs information about emotional abuse and abusive mental hospitals. He does not have a right to do research.
- He needs an advocate. He does not have a right to one.
- He needs privacy. He does not have a right to it.
He also needs empathy, caring, love, friendship, understanding, respect. But he does not have a legal right to any of this.
|I consider Alex my client now. As I look
at it he has "hired" me to represent him,
assist him. So as my client, he calls the shots. Since I
have had no communication with him since about Dec 25, I
will assume he wants me to continue representing him.
One of my goals is that when this is all settled, he will say "I chose the right guy to represent me."
If he says that, and "thank you", his account will be paid in full.
|Message I left in the Facebook group for
The school guidance counselor is pretty interested in "how things look". So I ask you to think about how it is going to look to her when she finds out you took Maddie off of the visitor list.
And I ask you, politely, to please tell us all why you did that and if you have put her back on by now, or if she is still off the list.
|Jan 6 update
This is from my journal writing
OSG means online support group
so Alex's classmates are saying he is back in school and checked himself in to the mental hospital, ie was there voluntarily. and that he had access to the internet but didnt want to use it because of the facebook group. and that he doesn't want the facebook group page up.
i'm having a hard time believing all of this
here are some reasons
- i think alex would have told me if he checked himself in and was really there voluntarily. it didn't sound like it from the messages i got before they blocked his gmail access. btw the classmates are saying they didn't block it and he voluntarily stopped emailing me and the others in our OSG -but i find this very hard to believe. almost impossible in fact.
- i think alex would have asked me directly to take the page down if that is what he wanted
- i think beth would have told me alex wants me to take it down. then i would have said what if we have a three way chat about that, or what if u let me talk to him directly
- i think alex would have let me, indie and the others in our online support group that he was out of the hospital. and he would have let us know how he was doing while he was inside if he had the chance since he knows we were worried about him.
so i think it is more likely his 'treatment team", especially beth, put a lot of pressure on him to agree to tell everyone what they wanted him to say. they might have threatened him, bribed him, or guilt tripped him or all of the above.
they are probably trying to convince him that i am "dangerous" and i have put the gc (guidance counselor) in some kind of risk. so that would make him feel guilty.
i am also thinking that if was worried about protecting the gc, he also would have asked me not to use her name or not to post the clips from their talks. he and i would have agreed on what to do. and we would have cooperated towards a mutually agreed upon goal.
so i think what alex is saying now is said under duress, intimidation and pressure.
i feel sad and discouraged he doesn't have friends, teachers and counselors who have been educated about emotional abuse.
i am afraid he will be more likely to kill himself now. beth may feel victorious and thus empowered and emboldened to treat him even worse. his gc will be less sympathetic to him and more defensive. his classmates will be more supportive of beth and those who don't believe him. so he will have even less support and more opposition to what he really feels. if he kills himself one day i will be a convenient scapegoat for everyone.
he will also be more afraid to tape anything and get outside feedback. so he is even more isolated than before. and possibly more confused.
i'd like to talk to him myself. and i might refuse to take things down until i do. i am seeing again it doesn't pay to care so much about a teenager. it is better to appear more apathetic and "professional". and i feel very sad about that.
i am seeing now how it is even more important to change the laws. i remember in australia if a teen ran away they would not let the parents talk to them for a certain amount of time because they know how manipulative parents can be. of course the parents protested and i think they caved in to the parents and reduced the amount of time.
i wonder what it is like in more advanced countries like scandanavia.
anyhow i see now that if a teen says they are or they might be being emotionally abused then the authorities, mental health professionals should immediately restrict the parent from having time alone with the teen. and they should respect a teen's request not to see or communicate with the parent.
this idea that parents always know what is best and do what is best for the teen is simply a myth that needs to be broken.
I have added three new questions to my "mom test", with the following note:
Tonight I was thinking "Why can't Alex live in a safe place?" and the answer I came up with was "Because it is against the law."
Then I was thinking about the days of slavery in the USA and I wondered "Who did the runaway laws protect?" and the answer was "The slave owners".
So then I was wondering, "Who do the runaway laws protect now?" Answer: The bad parents.
I say the bad parents because good parents don't need a law to keep children and teenagers at home.
Alex can't simply move out. He can't move in with another family where he would feel safe. He can't live alone. He can't live with a friend. He is legally forced to live with his birth mother who is clearly not good for his mental and therefore, physical, health.