Beyond_Good_and_Evil:
Interview by Dian Killian
Excerpts Our only option is communication of a radically different sort. Were getting to the point now where no army is able to prevent terrorists from poisoning our streams or fouling the air. We are getting to a point where our best protection is to communicate with the people were most afraid of. Nothing else will work.
When I worked with the Israeli police, for example, they would ask, What do you do when someone is shooting at you already? And Id say, Lets look at the last five times somebody shot at you. In these five situations, when you arrived on the scene, was the other person already shooting? No. Not in one of the five. In each case, there were at least three verbal interactions before any shooting started. The police recreated the dialogue for me, and I could have predicted there would be violence after the first couple of exchanges.
and then making a request for what one would
like to see occur. It sounds simple, yet its more than a
technique for resolving conflict. Its a different way of
understanding human motivation and behavior.
---
Rather than educating people to be conscious of their needs, we
teach them to become addicted to ineffective strategies for
meeting them. Consumerism makes people think that their needs
will be met by owning a certain item. We teach people that
revenge is a need, when in fact its a flawed strategy.
Retributive justice itself is a poor strategy. Mixed in with all
that is a belief in competition, that we can get our needs met
only at other peoples expense. Not only that, but that
its heroic and joyful to win, to defeat someone else.
--
And in middle-class, educated culture in the United States, I think that disconnection is a way of life. When people have needs that they dont know how to deal with directly, they approach them indirectly through these intellectual discussions. As a result, the conversation is lifeless.
--
I started using the term domination culture after reading Walter Winks works, especially his book Engaging the Powers. His concept is that we are living under structures in which the few dominate the many. Look at how families are structured here in the United States the parents claim always to know whats right and set the rules for everybody elses benefit. Look at our schools. Look at our workplaces. Look at our government, our religions. At all levels, you have authorities who impose their will on other people, claiming that its for everybodys well-being. They use punishment and reward as the basic strategy for getting what they want. Thats what I mean by domination culture.
--
Our only option is communication of a radically different sort. Were getting to the point now where no army is able to prevent terrorists from poisoning our streams or fouling the air. We are getting to a point where our best protection is to communicate with the people were most afraid of. Nothing else will work.
Rosenberg learned about violence at an early
age. Growing up in Detroit in the early thirties and forties, he
was beaten up for being a Jew and later witnessed some of the
citys worst race riots, which resulted in more than forty
deaths in a matter of days. These experiences drove him to study
psychology in an attempt to understand, as he puts it, what
happens to disconnect us from our compassionate nature, and what
allows some people to stay connected to their compassionate
nature under even the most trying circumstances.
Rosenberg completed his PhD in clinical psychology at the
University of Wisconsin in 1961 and afterward went on to work
with youths at reform schools. The experience led him to conclude
that, rather than help people to be more compassionate, clinical
psychology actually contributed to the conditions that cause
violence, because it categorizes people and thus distanced them
from each other; doctors were trained to see the diagnosis, not
the person. He decided that violence did not arise from
pathology, as psychology taught, but from the ways in which we
communicate.
Humanist psychotherapist Carl Rogers, creator of
client-centered therapy, was an early influence on
Rosenbergs theories, and Rosenberg worked with Rogers for
several years before setting out on his own to teach others how
to interact in nonaggressive ways. His method became known simply
as Nonviolent Communication.
No longer a practicing psychologist, Rosenberg admits that he
himself has struggled at times with his own method, resorting to
familiar behavior or fearing the risks involved in a nonviolent
approach. Yet each time he has followed through with Nonviolent
Communication, he has been surprised by the results. At times, it
has literally saved his life.
On one occasion in the late 1980s, he was asked to teach
his method to Palestinian refugees in Bethlehem. He met with
about 170 Muslim men at a mosque in the Deheisha Camp. On the way
into the camp, he saw several empty tear-gas canisters along the
road, each clearly marked Made in U.S.A. When the men
realized their would-be instructor was from the United States,
they became angry. Some jumped to their feet and began shouting,
Assassin! Murderer! One man confronted Rosenberg,
screaming in his face, Child Killer!
Although tempted to make a quick exit, Rosenberg instead focused
on what the man was feeling, and a dialogue ensued. By the end of
the day, the man who had called Rosenberg a murderer had invited
him home to Ramadan dinner.
Dian Killian
Dian Killian: Your method aims to teach compassion, but
compassion seems more a way of being than a skill or technique.
Can it really be taught?
Marshall B. Rosenberg: I would say its a natural human
trait. Our survival as a species depends on our ability to
recognize that our well-being and the well-being of others are,
in fact, one and the same. The problem is that we are taught
behaviors that disconnect us from this natural awareness.
Its not that we have to learn how to be compassionate; we
have to unlearn what weve been taught and get back to
compassion.
DK: If violence is learned, when did it start? It seems to have
always been a part of human existence.
MBR: Theologian Walter Wink estimates that violence has been the
social norm for about eight thousand years. Thats when a
myth evolved that the world was created by a heroic, virtuous
male god who defeated an evil female goddess. From that point on,
weve had the image of the heroic good guys killing the bad
guys. And that has evolved into retributive justice,
which says that there are those who deserve to be punished and
those who deserve to be rewarded. That belief has penetrated deep
into most of our societies. Not every culture has been exposed to
it but, unfortunately, most have.
DK: Youve said that deserve is the most dangerous word in
the language. Why?
MBR: Its at the basis of retributive justice. For thousands
of years, weve been operating under this system that says
that people who do bad deeds are evil indeed, that human
beings are basically evil. According to this way of thinking, a
few good people have evolved, and its up to them to be the
authorities and control the others. And the way you control
people, given that our nature is evil and selfish, is through a
system of justice in which people who behave in a
good manner get rewarded while those who are
evil are made to suffer. In order to see such a
system as fair, one has to believe that both sides deserve what
they get.
I used to live in Texas, and when they would execute somebody
there, the good Baptist students from the local college would
gather outside the prison and have a party. When the word came
over the loudspeaker that the convict had been killed, there was
loud cheering and so forth the same kind of cheering that
went on in Palestine when they found out about the September 11
terrorist attacks. When you have a concept of justice based on
good and evil, in which people deserve to suffer for what
theyve done, it makes violence enjoyable.
DK: But youre not opposed to judgments.
MBR: Im all for judgments. I dont think we could
survive very long without them. We judge which foods will give us
what our bodies need. We judge which actions are going to get our
needs met. But I differentiate between life-serving judgments,
which are about meeting our needs, and moralistic judgments that
imply rightness or wrongness.
DK: Youve called instead for restorative
justice. How is it different?
MBR: Restorative justice is based on the question: how do we
restore peace? In other words, how do we restore a state in which
people care about one anothers well-being? Research
indicates that perpetrators who go through restorative justice
are less likely to repeat the behaviors that led to their
incarceration. And its far more healing for the victim to
have peace restored than simply to see the other person punished.
The idea is spreading. I was in England about a year ago to
present a keynote speech at the international conference on
restorative justice. I expected thirty people might show up. I
was delighted to see more than six hundred people at this
conference.
DK: How does restorative justice work?
MBR: I have seen it work, for example, with women who have been
raped and the men who raped them. The first step is for the woman
to express whatever it is that she wants her attacker to
understand. Now, this woman has suffered almost every day for
years since the attack, so what comes out is pretty brutal:
You monster! Id like to kill you! and so forth.
What I do then is help the prisoner to connect with the pain that
is alive in this woman as a result of his actions. Usually what
he wants to do is to apologize. But I tell him apology is too
cheap, too easy. I want him to repeat back what he hears her
saying. How has her life been affected? When he cant repeat
it, I play his role. I tell her I hear the pain behind all of the
screams and shouting. I get him to see that the rage is on the
surface, but beneath that lies the despair about whether her life
will ever be the same again. And then I get the man to repeat
what Ive said. It may take three, or four, or five tries,
but finally he hears the other person. Already at this point you
can see the healing starting to take place when the victim
gets empathy.
Then I ask the man to tell me whats going on inside of him.
How does he feel? Usually, again, he wants to apologize. He wants
to say, Im a rat. Im dirt. And again I
get him to dig deeper. And its very scary for these men.
Theyre not used to dealing with feelings, let alone
experiencing the horror of what it feels like to have caused
another human being such pain.
When weve gotten past these first two steps, very often the
victim screams, How could you? Shes hungry to
understand what would cause another person to do such a thing.
Unfortunately, most of the victims Ive worked with have
been encouraged from the very beginning by well-meaning people to
forgive their attackers. These people explain that the rapist
must have been suffering and probably had a bad childhood. And
the victim does try to forgive, but this doesnt help much.
Forgiveness reached without first taking these other steps is
just superficial. It suppresses the pain.
Once the woman has received some empathy, however, she is hungry
to understand what was going on in this man when he committed
this act. I help the perpetrator go back to the moment of the act
and identify what he was feeling, what needs were contributing to
his actions.
The last step is to ask whether there is something more the
victim would like the perpetrator to do, to bring things back to
a state of peace. For example, she may want medical bills to be
paid, or she may want some emotional restitution. But once
theres empathy on both sides, its amazing how quickly
they start to care about one anothers well being.
DK: What kind of needs would cause a person to rape
another human being?
MBR: It has nothing to do with sex, of course. It has to do with
the tenderness that people dont know how to get and often
confuse with sex. In almost every case, the rapists themselves
have been victims of some sort of sexual aggression or physical
abuse, and they want someone else to understand how horrible it
feels to be in this passive, weak role. They need empathy, and
theyve employed a distorted means of getting it: by
inflicting similar pain on someone else. But the need is
universal. All human beings have the same needs. Most of us meet
them in ways that are not destructive to other people and
ourselves.
DK: Weve long believed in the West that needs must be
regulated and denied, but youre suggesting the opposite:
that needs must be recognized and fulfilled.
MBR: Id say we teach people to misrepresent their needs.
Rather than educating people to be conscious of their needs, we
teach them to become addicted to ineffective strategies for
meeting them. Consumerism makes people think that their needs
will be met by owning a certain item. We teach people that
revenge is a need, when in fact its a flawed strategy.
Retributive justice itself is a poor strategy. Mixed in with all
that is a belief in competition, that we can get our needs met
only at other peoples expense. Not only that, but that
its heroic and joyful to win, to defeat someone else.
So its very important to differentiate needs from
strategies and to get people to see that any strategy that meets
your needs at someone elses expense is not meeting all your
needs. Because any time you behave in a way thats harmful
to others, you end up hurting yourself. Philosopher Elbert
Hubbard once said, Were not punished for our sins,
but by them.
Whether Im working with drug addicts in Bogota, Colombia,
or with alcoholics in the United States, or with sex offenders in
prisons, I always start by making it clear to them that Im
not there to make them stop what theyre doing. Others
have tried, I say. Youve probably tried
yourself, and it hasnt worked. I tell them Im
there to help them get clear about what needs are being met by
this behavior. And once we have gotten clear on what their needs
are, I teach them to find more effective and less costly ways of
meeting those needs.
DK: Nonviolent Communication seems to focus a lot on feelings.
What about the logical, analytic side of things? Does it have a
place here?
MBR: Nonviolent Communication focuses on whats alive in us
and what would make life more wonderful. Whats alive in us
are our needs, and Im talking about the universal needs,
the ones all living creatures have. Our feelings are simply a
manifestation of what is happening with our needs. If our needs
are being fulfilled, we feel pleasure. If our needs are not being
fulfilled, we feel pain.
Now, this does not exclude the analytic. We simply differentiate
between life-serving analysis and life-alienated analysis. If I
say to you, Im in a lot of pain over my relationship
to my child. I really want him to be healthy, and I see him not
eating well and smoking, then you might ask, Why do
you think hes doing this? Youd be encouraging
me to analyze the situation and uncover his needs.
Analysis is only a problem when it gets disconnected from serving
life. For example, if I said to you, I think George Bush is
a monster, we could have a long discussion, and we might
think it was an interesting discussion, but it wouldnt be
connected to life. We wouldnt realize this, though, because
maybe neither of us have ever had a conversation that was
life-connecting. We get so used to speaking at the analytic level
that we can go through life with our needs unmet and not even
know it. The comedian Buddy Hackett used to say that it
wasnt until he joined the army that he found out you could
get up from a meal without having heartburn; he had gotten so
used to his mothers cooking, heartburn had become a way of
life. And in middle-class, educated culture in the United States,
I think that disconnection is a way of life. When people have
needs that they dont know how to deal with directly, they
approach them indirectly through these intellectual discussions.
As a result, the conversation is lifeless.
DK: If we do agree that Bush is a monster, though, at least
well connect on the level of values.
MBR: And thats going to meet some needs certainly
more than if I disagree with you or if I ignore what youre
saying. But imagine what the conversation could be like if we
learned to hear whats alive behind the words and ideas, and
to connect at that level. Central to NVC training is that all
moralistic judgments, whether positive or negative, are tragic
expressions of needs. Criticism, analysis, and insults are tragic
expressions of unmet needs. Compliments and praise, for their
part, are tragic expressions of fulfilled needs.
So why do we get caught up in this dead, violence-provoking
language? Why not learn how to live at the level where life is
really going on? NVC is not looking at the world through
rose-colored glasses. We come closer to the truth when we connect
with whats alive in people than when we just listen to what
they think.
DK: How do you discuss world affairs in the language of feelings?
MBR: Somebody reasonably proficient in NVC might say, I am
scared to death when I see what Bush is doing in an attempt to
protect us. I dont feel any safer. And then somebody
who disagrees might say, Well, I share your desire for
safety, but Im scared of doing nothing. Already
were not talking about George Bush, but about the feelings
that are alive in both of us.
DK: And coming closer to thinking about solutions?
MBR: Yes, because weve acknowledged that we both have the
same needs. Its only at the level of strategy that we
disagree. Remember, all human beings have the same needs. When
our consciousness is focused on whats alive in us, we never
see an alien being in front of us. Other people may have
different strategies for meeting their needs, but they are not
aliens.
DK: In the U.S. right now, there are some people who would have a
lot of trouble hearing this. During a memorial for September 11,
I heard a policeman say all he wanted is payback.
MBR: One rule of our training is: empathy before education. I
wouldnt expect someone whos been injured to hear what
Im saying until they felt that I had fully understood the
depth of their pain. Once they felt empathy from me, then I would
introduce my fear that our plan to exact retribution isnt
going to make us safer.
DK: Have you always been a nonviolent revolutionary?
MBR: For many years I wasnt, and I was scaring more people
than I was helping. When I was working against racism in the
United States, I must confess, I confronted more than a few
people with accusations like That was a racist thing to
say! I said this with deep anger, because I was
dehumanizing the other person in my mind. And I was not seeing
any of the changes I wanted.
An Iowa feminist group called HERA helped me with that. They
asked, Doesnt it bother you that your work is against
violence rather than for life? And I realized that I was
trying to get people to see the mess around them by telling them
how they were contributing to it. In doing so, I was just
creating more resistance and more hostility. HERA helped me to
get past just talking about not judging others, and to move on to
what can enrich life and make it more wonderful.
DK: You have criticized clinical psychology for its focus on
pathology. Have you trained any psychotherapists or other
mental-health practitioners in NVC?
MBR: Lots of them, but most of the people I train are not doctors
or therapists. I agree with theologian Martin Buber, who said
that you cannot do psychotherapy as a psychotherapist. People
heal from their pain when they have an authentic connection with
another human being, and I dont think you can have an
authentic connection when one person thinks of him- or herself as
the therapist, diagnosing the other. And if patients come in
thinking of themselves as sick people who are there to get
treatment, then it starts with the assumption that theres
something wrong with them, which gets in the way of the healing.
So, yes, I teach this to psychotherapists, but I teach it mostly
to regular human beings, because we can all engage in an
authentic connection with others, and its out of this
authentic connection that healing takes place.
DK: It seems all religious traditions have some basis in empathy
and compassion the bleeding heart of Christ and the life
of Saint Francis are two examples from Christianity. Yet horrible
acts of violence have been committed in the name of religion.
MBR: Social psychologist Milton Rokeach did some research on
religious practitioners in the seven major religions. He looked
at people who very seriously followed their religion and compared
them to people in the same population who had no religious
orientation at all. He wanted to find out which group was more
compassionate. The results were the same in all the major
religions: the nonreligious were more compassionate.
Rokeach warned readers to be careful how they interpreted his
research, however, because in each religious group, there were
two radically different populations: a mainstream group, and a
mystical minority. If you looked at just the mystical group, you
found that they were more compassionate than the general
population.
In mainline religion, you have to sacrifice and go through many
different procedures to demonstrate your holiness, but the
mystical minority see compassion and empathy as part of human
nature. We are this divine energy, they say. Its not
something we have to attain. We just have to realize it, be
present to it. Unfortunately, such believers are in the minority
and are often persecuted by fundamentalists within their own
religions. Chris Rajendram, a Jesuit priest in Sri Lanka, and
Archbishop Simon in Burundi are two men who risk their lives
daily in the service of bringing warring parties together. They
see Christs message not as an injunction to tame yourself
or to be above this world, but as a confirmation that we are this
energy of compassion. Nafez Assailez, a Muslim I work with, says
its painful for him to see anyone killing in the name of
Islam. Its inconceivable to him.
DK: The idea that were evil and must become holy implies
moralistic judgment.
MBR: Oh, amazing judgment! Rokeach calls that group the
salvationists. For them, the goal is to be rewarded by going to
heaven. So you try to follow your religions teachings not
because youve internalized an awareness of your own
divinity and relate to others in a compassionate way, but because
these things are right and if you do them,
youll be rewarded, and if you dont, youll be
punished.
DK: And those in the minority, theyve had a taste of the
divine presence and recognize it in themselves and others?
MBR: Exactly. And theyre often the ones who invite me to
teach Nonviolent Communication, because they see that our
training is helping to bring people back to that consciousness.
DK: Youve written about domination culture. Is
that the same as salvationism?
MBR: I started using the term domination culture
after reading Walter Winks works, especially his book
Engaging the Powers. His concept is that we are living under
structures in which the few dominate the many. Look at how
families are structured here in the United States the
parents claim always to know whats right and set the rules
for everybody elses benefit. Look at our schools. Look at
our workplaces. Look at our government, our religions. At all
levels, you have authorities who impose their will on other
people, claiming that its for everybodys well-being.
They use punishment and reward as the basic strategy for getting
what they want. Thats what I mean by domination culture.
DK: It seems movements and institutions often start out as
transformative but end up as systems of domination.
MBR: Yes. People come along with beautiful messages about how to
return to life, but the people theyre speaking to have been
living with domination for so long that they interpret the
message in a way that supports the domination structures.
When I was in Israel, one of the men on our team was an orthodox
rabbi. One evening, I read him a couple of passages from the
Bible, which I had been perusing in his house after the Sabbath
dinner. I read him a passage that said something like, Dear
God, give us the power to pluck out the eyes of our
enemies, and I said, David, really, how do you find
beauty in a passage like this? And he said, Well,
Marshall, if you hear just whats on the face of it, of
course its as ugly as can be. What you have to do is try to
hear what was behind that message.
So I sat down with those passages to try to hear what the speaker
might have said, had he known how to put it in terms of feelings
and needs. It was fascinating, because what was ugly on the
surface could be quite different if you sensed the feelings and
needs of the speaker. I think the author of that passage was
really saying, Dear God, please protect us from people who
might hurt us, and give us a way of making sure this doesnt
happen.
DK: Youve commented that, among the many different forms of
violence physical, psychological, institutional
physical violence is the least destructive. Why?
MBR: Physical violence is always a secondary result. Ive
talked to people in prison whove committed violent crimes,
and they say: He deserved it. The guy was an asshole.
Its their thinking that frightens me, how they dehumanize
their victims, saying that they deserved to suffer. The fact that
the man went out and shot another person scares me too, but
Im more scared by the thinking that led to it, because
its so deeply ingrained in such a large portion of
humanity.
When I worked with the Israeli police, for example, they would
ask, What do you do when someone is shooting at you
already? And Id say, Lets look at the
last five times somebody shot at you. In these five situations,
when you arrived on the scene, was the other person already
shooting? No. Not in one of the five. In each case, there
were at least three verbal interactions before any shooting
started. The police recreated the dialogue for me, and I could
have predicted there would be violence after the first couple of
exchanges.
DK: You have said, though, that physical force is sometimes
necessary. Would you include capital punishment?
MBR: No. When we do restorative justice, I want the perpetrators
to stay in prison until we are finished. And I am for using
whatever physical force is necessary to get them off the streets.
But I dont see prison as a punitive place. I see it as a
place to keep dangerous individuals until we can do the necessary
restoration work. Ive worked with some pretty scary folks,
even serial killers. But when I stayed with it and forgot about
the psychiatric point of view that some people are too damaged to
ever change, I saw improvement.
Once, when I was working with prisoners in Sweden, the
administrator told me about a man whod killed five people,
maybe more. Youll know him right away, he said.
Hes a monster. When I walked into the room,
there he was a big man, tattoos all over his arms. The
first day he just stared at me, didnt say a word. The
second day, he just stared at me. I was growing annoyed at this
administrator: Why the hell did he put this psychopath in my
group? Already, Id started falling back on clinical
diagnosis.
Then, on the third morning, one of my colleagues said,
Marshall, I notice you havent talked to him.
And I realized that I hadnt approached that frightening
inmate, because just the thought of opening up to him scared me
to death. So I went in and said to the killer, Ive
heard some of the things that you did to get into this prison,
and when you just sit there and stare at me each day and
dont say anything, I feel scared. I would like to know
whats going on for you.
And he said, What do you want to hear? And he started
to talk.
If I just sit back and diagnose people, thinking that they
cant be reached, I wont reach them. But when I put in
the time and energy and take a risk, I always get somewhere.
Depending on the damage thats been done to somebody, it may
take three, four, five years of daily investment of energy to
restore peace. And most systems are not set up to do that. If
were not in a position to give somebody what he or she
needs to change, then my second choice would be for that person
to be in prison. But I wouldnt kill anyone.
DK: For horrendous acts, dont we need strong consequences?
Just making restitution might seem a light sentence for some.
MBR: Well, it depends on what we want. We know from our
correctional system that if two people commit the same violent
crime, and one goes to prison while the other, for whatever
reason, does not, there is a much higher likelihood of continued
violence on the part of the person who goes to prison. The last
time I was in Twin Rivers Prison in Washington State, there was a
young man who had been in three times for sexually molesting
children. Clearly, attempts to change his behavior by punishing
him hadnt worked. Our present system does not work. In
contrast, research done in Minnesota and Canada shows that if you
go through a process of restorative justice, a perpetrator is
much less likely to act violently again.
As Ive said, prisoners just want to apologize which
they know how to do all too well. But when I pull them by the
ears and make them really look at the enormity of the suffering
this other person has experienced as a result of their actions,
and then I require the criminals to go inside themselves and tell
me what they were feeling when they did it, its a very
frightening experience for them. Many say, Please, beat me,
kill me, but dont make me do this.
DK: You speak about a protective use of force. Would you consider
strikes or boycotts a protective use of force?
MBR: They could be. The person who has really spent a lot of time
on this is Gene Sharp. Hes written books on the subject and
has a wonderful article on the internet called 168
Applications of Nonviolent Force. He shows how, throughout
history, nonviolence has been used to prevent violence and to
protect, not to punish.
I was working in San Francisco with a group of minority parents
who were very concerned about the principal at their
childrens school. They said he was destroying the
students spirit. So I trained them in how to communicate
with the principal. They tried to talk to him, but he said,
Get out of here. Nobody is going to tell me how to run my
school. Next I explained to them the concept of protective
use of force, and one of them came up with this idea of a strike:
they would keep their kids out of the school and picket with
signs that let everyone know what kind of man this principal was.
I told them they were getting protective use of force mixed up
with punitive force: it sounded like they wanted to punish this
man. The only way protective use of force could work, I said, is
if they communicated clearly that their intent was to protect
their children and not to bad-mouth or dehumanize the principal.
I suggested signs that stated their needs: We want to
communicate. We want our children in school.
And the strike was very successful, but not in the way wed
imagined. When the school board heard about some of the things
this principal was doing, they fired him.
DK: But demonstrations, strikes, and rallies are often presented
as aggressive by the media.
MBR: Yes, weve seen the line get crossed in some of the
anti-globalization demonstrations. Some people who are trying to
show how terrible corporations are take some pretty violent
actions under the guise of protective use of force.
There are two things that distinguish truly nonviolent actions
from violent actions. First, there is no enemy in the nonviolent
point of view. You dont see an enemy. Your thinking is
clearly focused on protecting your needs. And second, your
intention is not to make the other side suffer.
DK: It seems the U.S. government has trouble differentiating
between the two. It tries to make war sound acceptable by
appealing to our need for safety, and then it acts aggressively.
MBR: Well, we do need to protect ourselves. But youre
right, there is so much else mixed in with that. When the
population has been educated in retributive justice, there is
nothing they want more than to see someone suffer. Most of the
time, when we end up using force, it could have been prevented by
using different ways of negotiating. I have no doubt this could
have been the case if wed been listening to the messages
coming to us from the Arab world for many years. This was not a
new situation. This pain of theirs had been expressed over and
over in many ways, and we hadnt responded with any empathy
or understanding. And when we dont hear peoples pain,
it keeps coming out in ways that make empathy even harder.
Now, when I say this, people often think Im justifying what
the terrorists did on September 11. And of course Im not.
Im saying that the real answer is to look at how we could
have prevented it to begin with.
DK: Some in the U.S. think that bombing Iraq is a protective use
of force.
MBR: I would ask them, What is your objective? Is it protection?
Certain kinds of negotiations, which have never been attempted,
would be more protective than any use of force. Our only option
is communication of a radically different sort. Were
getting to the point now where no army is able to prevent
terrorists from poisoning our streams or fouling the air. We are
getting to a point where our best protection is to communicate
with the people were most afraid of. Nothing else will
work.
Beyond_Good_and_Evil:
Marshall Rosenberg on Creating a Nonviolent World
CNVC is grateful to Dian Killian for permission to share the
following interview. This interview of Marshall Rosenberg
originally appeared in the February 2003 issue of The Sun.
I first met Marshall Rosenberg when I was assigned by a local
paper to cover one of his Nonviolent Communication
training seminars. Disturbed by the inequalities in the world and
impatient for change, I couldnt imagine what use a
communication technique could be in solving problems such as
global warming or the debt of developing nations. But I was
surprised by the visible effect Rosenbergs work had on
individuals or families caught in conflict.
Nonviolent Communication, or NVC, has four steps: observing what
is happening in a given situation; identifying what one is
feeling, identifying what one is needing; and then making a
request for what one would like to see occur. It sounds simple,
yet its more than a technique for resolving conflict.
Its a different way of understanding human motivation and
behavior.
Rosenberg learned about violence at an early age. Growing up in
Detroit in the early thirties and forties, he was beaten up for
being a Jew and later witnessed some of the citys worst
race riots, which resulted in more than forty deaths in a matter
of days. These experiences drove him to study psychology in an
attempt to understand, as he puts it, what happens to
disconnect us from our compassionate nature, and what allows some
people to stay connected to their compassionate nature under even
the most trying circumstances.
Rosenberg completed his PhD in clinical psychology at the
University of Wisconsin in 1961 and afterward went on to work
with youths at reform schools. The experience led him to conclude
that, rather than help people to be more compassionate, clinical
psychology actually contributed to the conditions that cause
violence, because it categorizes people and thus distanced them
from each other; doctors were trained to see the diagnosis, not
the person. He decided that violence did not arise from
pathology, as psychology taught, but from the ways in which we
communicate.
Humanist psychotherapist Carl Rogers, creator of
client-centered therapy, was an early influence on
Rosenbergs theories, and Rosenberg worked with Rogers for
several years before setting out on his own to teach others how
to interact in nonaggressive ways. His method became known simply
as Nonviolent Communication.
No longer a practicing psychologist, Rosenberg admits that he
himself has struggled at times with his own method, resorting to
familiar behavior or fearing the risks involved in a nonviolent
approach. Yet each time he has followed through with Nonviolent
Communication, he has been surprised by the results. At times, it
has literally saved his life.
On one occasion in the late 1980s, he was asked to teach
his method to Palestinian refugees in Bethlehem. He met with
about 170 Muslim men at a mosque in the Deheisha Camp. On the way
into the camp, he saw several empty tear-gas canisters along the
road, each clearly marked Made in U.S.A. When the men
realized their would-be instructor was from the United States,
they became angry. Some jumped to their feet and began shouting,
Assassin! Murderer! One man confronted Rosenberg,
screaming in his face, Child Killer!
Although tempted to make a quick exit, Rosenberg instead focused
on what the man was feeling, and a dialogue ensued. By the end of
the day, the man who had called Rosenberg a murderer had invited
him home to Ramadan dinner.
Rosenberg is founder and director of the nonprofit Center for
Nonviolent Communication (www.cnvc.org). He is the author of
Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life (PuddleDancer Press)
and has just completed a new book, to be released by PuddleDancer
in fall 2003, on the application of NVC in education:
Life-Enriching Education. He is currently working on a third book
addressing the social implications of Nonviolent Communication.
A tall, gaunt man, Rosenberg is soft-spoken but becomes animated
when describing how Nonviolent Communication has worked for him
and others. He has three children and currently lives in
Wasserfallenof, Switzerland. Rosenberg is in great demand as a
speaker and educator and maintains a relentless schedule. The day
we spoke was his first free day in months. Afterward, he would be
traveling to Israel, Brazil, Slovenia, Argentina, Poland, and
Africa.
Dian Killian
Dian Killian: Your method aims to teach compassion, but
compassion seems more a way of being than a skill or technique.
Can it really be taught?
Marshall B. Rosenberg: I would say its a natural human
trait. Our survival as a species depends on our ability to
recognize that our well-being and the well-being of others are,
in fact, one and the same. The problem is that we are taught
behaviors that disconnect us from this natural awareness.
Its not that we have to learn how to be compassionate; we
have to unlearn what weve been taught and get back to
compassion.
DK: If violence is learned, when did it start? It seems to have
always been a part of human existence.
MBR: Theologian Walter Wink estimates that violence has been the
social norm for about eight thousand years. Thats when a
myth evolved that the world was created by a heroic, virtuous
male god who defeated an evil female goddess. From that point on,
weve had the image of the heroic good guys killing the bad
guys. And that has evolved into retributive justice,
which says that there are those who deserve to be punished and
those who deserve to be rewarded. That belief has penetrated deep
into most of our societies. Not every culture has been exposed to
it but, unfortunately, most have.
DK: Youve said that deserve is the most dangerous word in
the language. Why?
MBR: Its at the basis of retributive justice. For thousands
of years, weve been operating under this system that says
that people who do bad deeds are evil indeed, that human
beings are basically evil. According to this way of thinking, a
few good people have evolved, and its up to them to be the
authorities and control the others. And the way you control
people, given that our nature is evil and selfish, is through a
system of justice in which people who behave in a
good manner get rewarded while those who are
evil are made to suffer. In order to see such a
system as fair, one has to believe that both sides deserve what
they get.
I used to live in Texas, and when they would execute somebody
there, the good Baptist students from the local college would
gather outside the prison and have a party. When the word came
over the loudspeaker that the convict had been killed, there was
loud cheering and so forth the same kind of cheering that
went on in Palestine when they found out about the September 11
terrorist attacks. When you have a concept of justice based on
good and evil, in which people deserve to suffer for what
theyve done, it makes violence enjoyable.
DK: But youre not opposed to judgments.
MBR: Im all for judgments. I dont think we could
survive very long without them. We judge which foods will give us
what our bodies need. We judge which actions are going to get our
needs met. But I differentiate between life-serving judgments,
which are about meeting our needs, and moralistic judgments that
imply rightness or wrongness.
DK: Youve called instead for restorative
justice. How is it different?
MBR: Restorative justice is based on the question: how do we
restore peace? In other words, how do we restore a state in which
people care about one anothers well-being? Research
indicates that perpetrators who go through restorative justice
are less likely to repeat the behaviors that led to their
incarceration. And its far more healing for the victim to
have peace restored than simply to see the other person punished.
The idea is spreading. I was in England about a year ago to
present a keynote speech at the international conference on
restorative justice. I expected thirty people might show up. I
was delighted to see more than six hundred people at this
conference.
DK: How does restorative justice work?
MBR: I have seen it work, for example, with women who have been
raped and the men who raped them. The first step is for the woman
to express whatever it is that she wants her attacker to
understand. Now, this woman has suffered almost every day for
years since the attack, so what comes out is pretty brutal:
You monster! Id like to kill you! and so forth.
What I do then is help the prisoner to connect with the pain that
is alive in this woman as a result of his actions. Usually what
he wants to do is to apologize. But I tell him apology is too
cheap, too easy. I want him to repeat back what he hears her
saying. How has her life been affected? When he cant repeat
it, I play his role. I tell her I hear the pain behind all of the
screams and shouting. I get him to see that the rage is on the
surface, but beneath that lies the despair about whether her life
will ever be the same again. And then I get the man to repeat
what Ive said. It may take three, or four, or five tries,
but finally he hears the other person. Already at this point you
can see the healing starting to take place when the victim
gets empathy.
Then I ask the man to tell me whats going on inside of him.
How does he feel? Usually, again, he wants to apologize. He wants
to say, Im a rat. Im dirt. And again I
get him to dig deeper. And its very scary for these men.
Theyre not used to dealing with feelings, let alone
experiencing the horror of what it feels like to have caused
another human being such pain.
When weve gotten past these first two steps, very often the
victim screams, How could you? Shes hungry to
understand what would cause another person to do such a thing.
Unfortunately, most of the victims Ive worked with have
been encouraged from the very beginning by well-meaning people to
forgive their attackers. These people explain that the rapist
must have been suffering and probably had a bad childhood. And
the victim does try to forgive, but this doesnt help much.
Forgiveness reached without first taking these other steps is
just superficial. It suppresses the pain.
Once the woman has received some empathy, however, she is hungry
to understand what was going on in this man when he committed
this act. I help the perpetrator go back to the moment of the act
and identify what he was feeling, what needs were contributing to
his actions.
The last step is to ask whether there is something more the
victim would like the perpetrator to do, to bring things back to
a state of peace. For example, she may want medical bills to be
paid, or she may want some emotional restitution. But once
theres empathy on both sides, its amazing how quickly
they start to care about one anothers well being.
DK: What kind of needs would cause a person to rape
another human being?
MBR: It has nothing to do with sex, of course. It has to do with
the tenderness that people dont know how to get and often
confuse with sex. In almost every case, the rapists themselves
have been victims of some sort of sexual aggression or physical
abuse, and they want someone else to understand how horrible it
feels to be in this passive, weak role. They need empathy, and
theyve employed a distorted means of getting it: by
inflicting similar pain on someone else. But the need is
universal. All human beings have the same needs. Most of us meet
them in ways that are not destructive to other people and
ourselves.
DK: Weve long believed in the West that needs must be
regulated and denied, but youre suggesting the opposite:
that needs must be recognized and fulfilled.
MBR: Id say we teach people to misrepresent their needs.
Rather than educating people to be conscious of their needs, we
teach them to become addicted to ineffective strategies for
meeting them. Consumerism makes people think that their needs
will be met by owning a certain item. We teach people that
revenge is a need, when in fact its a flawed strategy.
Retributive justice itself is a poor strategy. Mixed in with all
that is a belief in competition, that we can get our needs met
only at other peoples expense. Not only that, but that
its heroic and joyful to win, to defeat someone else.
So its very important to differentiate needs from
strategies and to get people to see that any strategy that meets
your needs at someone elses expense is not meeting all your
needs. Because any time you behave in a way thats harmful
to others, you end up hurting yourself. Philosopher Elbert
Hubbard once said, Were not punished for our sins,
but by them.
Whether Im working with drug addicts in Bogota, Colombia,
or with alcoholics in the United States, or with sex offenders in
prisons, I always start by making it clear to them that Im
not there to make them stop what theyre doing. Others
have tried, I say. Youve probably tried
yourself, and it hasnt worked. I tell them Im
there to help them get clear about what needs are being met by
this behavior. And once we have gotten clear on what their needs
are, I teach them to find more effective and less costly ways of
meeting those needs.
DK: Nonviolent Communication seems to focus a lot on feelings.
What about the logical, analytic side of things? Does it have a
place here?
MBR: Nonviolent Communication focuses on whats alive in us
and what would make life more wonderful. Whats alive in us
are our needs, and Im talking about the universal needs,
the ones all living creatures have. Our feelings are simply a
manifestation of what is happening with our needs. If our needs
are being fulfilled, we feel pleasure. If our needs are not being
fulfilled, we feel pain.
Now, this does not exclude the analytic. We simply differentiate
between life-serving analysis and life-alienated analysis. If I
say to you, Im in a lot of pain over my relationship
to my child. I really want him to be healthy, and I see him not
eating well and smoking, then you might ask, Why do
you think hes doing this? Youd be encouraging
me to analyze the situation and uncover his needs.
Analysis is only a problem when it gets disconnected from serving
life. For example, if I said to you, I think George Bush is
a monster, we could have a long discussion, and we might
think it was an interesting discussion, but it wouldnt be
connected to life. We wouldnt realize this, though, because
maybe neither of us have ever had a conversation that was
life-connecting. We get so used to speaking at the analytic level
that we can go through life with our needs unmet and not even
know it. The comedian Buddy Hackett used to say that it
wasnt until he joined the army that he found out you could
get up from a meal without having heartburn; he had gotten so
used to his mothers cooking, heartburn had become a way of
life. And in middle-class, educated culture in the United States,
I think that disconnection is a way of life. When people have
needs that they dont know how to deal with directly, they
approach them indirectly through these intellectual discussions.
As a result, the conversation is lifeless.
DK: If we do agree that Bush is a monster, though, at least
well connect on the level of values.
MBR: And thats going to meet some needs certainly
more than if I disagree with you or if I ignore what youre
saying. But imagine what the conversation could be like if we
learned to hear whats alive behind the words and ideas, and
to connect at that level. Central to NVC training is that all
moralistic judgments, whether positive or negative, are tragic
expressions of needs. Criticism, analysis, and insults are tragic
expressions of unmet needs. Compliments and praise, for their
part, are tragic expressions of fulfilled needs.
So why do we get caught up in this dead, violence-provoking
language? Why not learn how to live at the level where life is
really going on? NVC is not looking at the world through
rose-colored glasses. We come closer to the truth when we connect
with whats alive in people than when we just listen to what
they think.
DK: How do you discuss world affairs in the language of feelings?
MBR: Somebody reasonably proficient in NVC might say, I am
scared to death when I see what Bush is doing in an attempt to
protect us. I dont feel any safer. And then somebody
who disagrees might say, Well, I share your desire for
safety, but Im scared of doing nothing. Already
were not talking about George Bush, but about the feelings
that are alive in both of us.
DK: And coming closer to thinking about solutions?
MBR: Yes, because weve acknowledged that we both have the
same needs. Its only at the level of strategy that we
disagree. Remember, all human beings have the same needs. When
our consciousness is focused on whats alive in us, we never
see an alien being in front of us. Other people may have
different strategies for meeting their needs, but they are not
aliens.
DK: In the U.S. right now, there are some people who would have a
lot of trouble hearing this. During a memorial for September 11,
I heard a policeman say all he wanted is payback.
MBR: One rule of our training is: empathy before education. I
wouldnt expect someone whos been injured to hear what
Im saying until they felt that I had fully understood the
depth of their pain. Once they felt empathy from me, then I would
introduce my fear that our plan to exact retribution isnt
going to make us safer.
DK: Have you always been a nonviolent revolutionary?
MBR: For many years I wasnt, and I was scaring more people
than I was helping. When I was working against racism in the
United States, I must confess, I confronted more than a few
people with accusations like That was a racist thing to
say! I said this with deep anger, because I was
dehumanizing the other person in my mind. And I was not seeing
any of the changes I wanted.
An Iowa feminist group called HERA helped me with that. They
asked, Doesnt it bother you that your work is against
violence rather than for life? And I realized that I was
trying to get people to see the mess around them by telling them
how they were contributing to it. In doing so, I was just
creating more resistance and more hostility. HERA helped me to
get past just talking about not judging others, and to move on to
what can enrich life and make it more wonderful.
DK: You have criticized clinical psychology for its focus on
pathology. Have you trained any psychotherapists or other
mental-health practitioners in NVC?
MBR: Lots of them, but most of the people I train are not doctors
or therapists. I agree with theologian Martin Buber, who said
that you cannot do psychotherapy as a psychotherapist. People
heal from their pain when they have an authentic connection with
another human being, and I dont think you can have an
authentic connection when one person thinks of him- or herself as
the therapist, diagnosing the other. And if patients come in
thinking of themselves as sick people who are there to get
treatment, then it starts with the assumption that theres
something wrong with them, which gets in the way of the healing.
So, yes, I teach this to psychotherapists, but I teach it mostly
to regular human beings, because we can all engage in an
authentic connection with others, and its out of this
authentic connection that healing takes place.
DK: It seems all religious traditions have some basis in empathy
and compassion the bleeding heart of Christ and the life
of Saint Francis are two examples from Christianity. Yet horrible
acts of violence have been committed in the name of religion.
MBR: Social psychologist Milton Rokeach did some research on
religious practitioners in the seven major religions. He looked
at people who very seriously followed their religion and compared
them to people in the same population who had no religious
orientation at all. He wanted to find out which group was more
compassionate. The results were the same in all the major
religions: the nonreligious were more compassionate.
Rokeach warned readers to be careful how they interpreted his
research, however, because in each religious group, there were
two radically different populations: a mainstream group, and a
mystical minority. If you looked at just the mystical group, you
found that they were more compassionate than the general
population.
In mainline religion, you have to sacrifice and go through many
different procedures to demonstrate your holiness, but the
mystical minority see compassion and empathy as part of human
nature. We are this divine energy, they say. Its not
something we have to attain. We just have to realize it, be
present to it. Unfortunately, such believers are in the minority
and are often persecuted by fundamentalists within their own
religions. Chris Rajendram, a Jesuit priest in Sri Lanka, and
Archbishop Simon in Burundi are two men who risk their lives
daily in the service of bringing warring parties together. They
see Christs message not as an injunction to tame yourself
or to be above this world, but as a confirmation that we are this
energy of compassion. Nafez Assailez, a Muslim I work with, says
its painful for him to see anyone killing in the name of
Islam. Its inconceivable to him.
DK: The idea that were evil and must become holy implies
moralistic judgment.
MBR: Oh, amazing judgment! Rokeach calls that group the
salvationists. For them, the goal is to be rewarded by going to
heaven. So you try to follow your religions teachings not
because youve internalized an awareness of your own
divinity and relate to others in a compassionate way, but because
these things are right and if you do them,
youll be rewarded, and if you dont, youll be
punished.
DK: And those in the minority, theyve had a taste of the
divine presence and recognize it in themselves and others?
MBR: Exactly. And theyre often the ones who invite me to
teach Nonviolent Communication, because they see that our
training is helping to bring people back to that consciousness.
DK: Youve written about domination culture. Is
that the same as salvationism?
MBR: I started using the term domination culture
after reading Walter Winks works, especially his book
Engaging the Powers. His concept is that we are living under
structures in which the few dominate the many. Look at how
families are structured here in the United States the
parents claim always to know whats right and set the rules
for everybody elses benefit. Look at our schools. Look at
our workplaces. Look at our government, our religions. At all
levels, you have authorities who impose their will on other
people, claiming that its for everybodys well-being.
They use punishment and reward as the basic strategy for getting
what they want. Thats what I mean by domination culture.
DK: It seems movements and institutions often start out as
transformative but end up as systems of domination.
MBR: Yes. People come along with beautiful messages about how to
return to life, but the people theyre speaking to have been
living with domination for so long that they interpret the
message in a way that supports the domination structures.
When I was in Israel, one of the men on our team was an orthodox
rabbi. One evening, I read him a couple of passages from the
Bible, which I had been perusing in his house after the Sabbath
dinner. I read him a passage that said something like, Dear
God, give us the power to pluck out the eyes of our
enemies, and I said, David, really, how do you find
beauty in a passage like this? And he said, Well,
Marshall, if you hear just whats on the face of it, of
course its as ugly as can be. What you have to do is try to
hear what was behind that message.
So I sat down with those passages to try to hear what the speaker
might have said, had he known how to put it in terms of feelings
and needs. It was fascinating, because what was ugly on the
surface could be quite different if you sensed the feelings and
needs of the speaker. I think the author of that passage was
really saying, Dear God, please protect us from people who
might hurt us, and give us a way of making sure this doesnt
happen.
DK: Youve commented that, among the many different forms of
violence physical, psychological, institutional
physical violence is the least destructive. Why?
MBR: Physical violence is always a secondary result. Ive
talked to people in prison whove committed violent crimes,
and they say: He deserved it. The guy was an asshole.
Its their thinking that frightens me, how they dehumanize
their victims, saying that they deserved to suffer. The fact that
the man went out and shot another person scares me too, but
Im more scared by the thinking that led to it, because
its so deeply ingrained in such a large portion of
humanity.
When I worked with the Israeli police, for example, they would
ask, What do you do when someone is shooting at you
already? And Id say, Lets look at the
last five times somebody shot at you. In these five situations,
when you arrived on the scene, was the other person already
shooting? No. Not in one of the five. In each case, there
were at least three verbal interactions before any shooting
started. The police recreated the dialogue for me, and I could
have predicted there would be violence after the first couple of
exchanges.
DK: You have said, though, that physical force is sometimes
necessary. Would you include capital punishment?
MBR: No. When we do restorative justice, I want the perpetrators
to stay in prison until we are finished. And I am for using
whatever physical force is necessary to get them off the streets.
But I dont see prison as a punitive place. I see it as a
place to keep dangerous individuals until we can do the necessary
restoration work. Ive worked with some pretty scary folks,
even serial killers. But when I stayed with it and forgot about
the psychiatric point of view that some people are too damaged to
ever change, I saw improvement.
Once, when I was working with prisoners in Sweden, the
administrator told me about a man whod killed five people,
maybe more. Youll know him right away, he said.
Hes a monster. When I walked into the room,
there he was a big man, tattoos all over his arms. The
first day he just stared at me, didnt say a word. The
second day, he just stared at me. I was growing annoyed at this
administrator: Why the hell did he put this psychopath in my
group? Already, Id started falling back on clinical
diagnosis.
Then, on the third morning, one of my colleagues said,
Marshall, I notice you havent talked to him.
And I realized that I hadnt approached that frightening
inmate, because just the thought of opening up to him scared me
to death. So I went in and said to the killer, Ive
heard some of the things that you did to get into this prison,
and when you just sit there and stare at me each day and
dont say anything, I feel scared. I would like to know
whats going on for you.
And he said, What do you want to hear? And he started
to talk.
If I just sit back and diagnose people, thinking that they
cant be reached, I wont reach them. But when I put in
the time and energy and take a risk, I always get somewhere.
Depending on the damage thats been done to somebody, it may
take three, four, five years of daily investment of energy to
restore peace. And most systems are not set up to do that. If
were not in a position to give somebody what he or she
needs to change, then my second choice would be for that person
to be in prison. But I wouldnt kill anyone.
DK: For horrendous acts, dont we need strong consequences?
Just making restitution might seem a light sentence for some.
MBR: Well, it depends on what we want. We know from our
correctional system that if two people commit the same violent
crime, and one goes to prison while the other, for whatever
reason, does not, there is a much higher likelihood of continued
violence on the part of the person who goes to prison. The last
time I was in Twin Rivers Prison in Washington State, there was a
young man who had been in three times for sexually molesting
children. Clearly, attempts to change his behavior by punishing
him hadnt worked. Our present system does not work. In
contrast, research done in Minnesota and Canada shows that if you
go through a process of restorative justice, a perpetrator is
much less likely to act violently again.
As Ive said, prisoners just want to apologize which
they know how to do all too well. But when I pull them by the
ears and make them really look at the enormity of the suffering
this other person has experienced as a result of their actions,
and then I require the criminals to go inside themselves and tell
me what they were feeling when they did it, its a very
frightening experience for them. Many say, Please, beat me,
kill me, but dont make me do this.
DK: You speak about a protective use of force. Would you consider
strikes or boycotts a protective use of force?
MBR: They could be. The person who has really spent a lot of time
on this is Gene Sharp. Hes written books on the subject and
has a wonderful article on the internet called 168
Applications of Nonviolent Force. He shows how, throughout
history, nonviolence has been used to prevent violence and to
protect, not to punish.
I was working in San Francisco with a group of minority parents
who were very concerned about the principal at their
childrens school. They said he was destroying the
students spirit. So I trained them in how to communicate
with the principal. They tried to talk to him, but he said,
Get out of here. Nobody is going to tell me how to run my
school. Next I explained to them the concept of protective
use of force, and one of them came up with this idea of a strike:
they would keep their kids out of the school and picket with
signs that let everyone know what kind of man this principal was.
I told them they were getting protective use of force mixed up
with punitive force: it sounded like they wanted to punish this
man. The only way protective use of force could work, I said, is
if they communicated clearly that their intent was to protect
their children and not to bad-mouth or dehumanize the principal.
I suggested signs that stated their needs: We want to
communicate. We want our children in school.
And the strike was very successful, but not in the way wed
imagined. When the school board heard about some of the things
this principal was doing, they fired him.
DK: But demonstrations, strikes, and rallies are often presented
as aggressive by the media.
MBR: Yes, weve seen the line get crossed in some of the
anti-globalization demonstrations. Some people who are trying to
show how terrible corporations are take some pretty violent
actions under the guise of protective use of force.
There are two things that distinguish truly nonviolent actions
from violent actions. First, there is no enemy in the nonviolent
point of view. You dont see an enemy. Your thinking is
clearly focused on protecting your needs. And second, your
intention is not to make the other side suffer.
DK: It seems the U.S. government has trouble differentiating
between the two. It tries to make war sound acceptable by
appealing to our need for safety, and then it acts aggressively.
MBR: Well, we do need to protect ourselves. But youre
right, there is so much else mixed in with that. When the
population has been educated in retributive justice, there is
nothing they want more than to see someone suffer. Most of the
time, when we end up using force, it could have been prevented by
using different ways of negotiating. I have no doubt this could
have been the case if wed been listening to the messages
coming to us from the Arab world for many years. This was not a
new situation. This pain of theirs had been expressed over and
over in many ways, and we hadnt responded with any empathy
or understanding. And when we dont hear peoples pain,
it keeps coming out in ways that make empathy even harder.
Now, when I say this, people often think Im justifying what
the terrorists did on September 11. And of course Im not.
Im saying that the real answer is to look at how we could
have prevented it to begin with.
DK: Some in the U.S. think that bombing Iraq is a protective use
of force.
MBR: I would ask them, What is your objective? Is it protection?
Certain kinds of negotiations, which have never been attempted,
would be more protective than any use of force. Our only option
is communication of a radically different sort. Were
getting to the point now where no army is able to prevent
terrorists from poisoning our streams or fouling the air. We are
getting to a point where our best protection is to communicate
with the people were most afraid of. Nothing else will
work.