Convo with Molly Sept 28, 2007

Steve dice:
hi becca r u there?
Deathwish dice:
i aint becca
Steve dice:
ah who r u then??
Deathwish dice:
im molly..
Steve dice:
ah ok sorry
Steve dice:
well how have u been then?
Deathwish dice:
um alrite i guess. u?
Steve dice:
up and down.
Steve dice:
hang on im gonna find some mails u sent cuz i dont remember what uve told me. sorry. but let me see if i can catch up a bit ok?
Deathwish dice:
ok
Steve dice:
r u in canada?
Steve dice:
im really confused now!
Deathwish dice:
yes
Steve dice:
ah! ok
Steve dice:
there is a girl with a similar email, well a little similar in the uk
Steve dice:
i havent been on much. as u can tell
Steve dice:
well tell me whats been going on a bit
Deathwish dice:
well mostly same as ages ago.. i still like my ex
Steve dice:
and...?
Deathwish dice:
and its really making me depressed
Steve dice:
cuz he doesnt want to be with u or what?
Deathwish dice:
i guess
Steve dice:
do u see him
Steve dice:
or chat
Deathwish dice:
yer his still like my best friend
Steve dice:
ah
Steve dice:
how come its making u depressed then
Deathwish dice:
i dont know.. coz he doesnt notice.. and i expect too much and always let myself down
Steve dice:
yeah i know what u mean there
Steve dice:
u mean he doesnt notice when ur down or what?
Deathwish dice:
yer
Steve dice:
yeah
Steve dice:
i cant remember if u like to get hugs
Steve dice:
e hugs
Deathwish dice:
i guess
Steve dice:
ok well here is one then
Steve dice:
hug
Steve dice:
does he hug u? n can u tell him when u need one?
Deathwish dice:
no he doesnt.. we dont talk much in person.. just txt and msn
Steve dice:
ah
Deathwish dice:
but thats probaly it.. i do want to spend more time with him
Steve dice:
yeah
Steve dice:
anyone give u hugs or listen to u in real life?
Deathwish dice:
not really
Steve dice:
that sucks
Steve dice:
its really important
Steve dice:
would u talk n tell the truth if someone listened?
Deathwish dice:
yer.. thats wat i want
Steve dice:
thats cool
Steve dice:
do u write anywhere?
Deathwish dice:
on xanga
Steve dice:
k
Steve dice:
can i see it?
Steve dice:
n does anyone from my site read ur xanga?
Deathwish dice:
nah no one knows about it
Steve dice:
k
Steve dice:
can i see it?
Deathwish dice:
all the entries are on private so u cant
Steve dice:
ah
Steve dice:
how come u make em all private?
Deathwish dice:
just incase someone gets on there
Steve dice:
like someone from ur school or ur parents or who?
Deathwish dice:
yer friends i guess
Steve dice:
isnt there some way to see who reads ur entries on xanga?
Deathwish dice:
probaly.. if they have a xanga account though
Steve dice:
yeah. i tried to set something up but i didnt have enough time to manage it.
Steve dice:
there was some footprints thing i think
Deathwish dice:
yer
Steve dice:
well i was gonna say it can be good to have someone read ur writing so they know whats going on
Steve dice:
but only the right kind of pple
Deathwish dice:
yer most of my friends would tell
Steve dice:
yeah if u had good friends u wouldnt have written me prob!
Steve dice:
im sorry i lost touch with u
Steve dice:
but i still dont have much of an idea what ur life is like or what ur like. u seem pretty nice tho
Steve dice:
n i think uve listened to me before when i was down
Deathwish dice:
yer
Steve dice:
can u copy one of ur recent entries n send it to me?
Steve dice:
one or two if u want
Deathwish dice:
do u want to just sign in to my account and see.. that would be easier
Steve dice:
ha ha
Steve dice:
ok
Steve dice:
tell me how
Deathwish dice:
umm my username is xxxxxx
Steve dice:
lol
Deathwish dice:
why r u laughing
Steve dice:
very creative!
Steve dice:
i like how teens think
Steve dice:
i wasnt laughing ina bad way
Steve dice:
sorry
Deathwish dice:
k
Steve dice:
uve cut i suppose right?
Deathwish dice:
yer
Steve dice:
do u still?
Deathwish dice:
sometimes
Steve dice:
k wats ur pw
Deathwish dice:
xxxxxx
Deathwish dice:
the latest entries ive been alrite though
Steve dice:
im trying it now
Deathwish dice:
and their just the convos ive had with my ex.. m is me and b is ben
Steve dice:
k im in
Deathwish dice:
ok
Deathwish dice:
dont laugh at some of the stuff i say
Steve dice:
k
Steve dice:
does he cut too?
Deathwish dice:
yer sometimes.. i was just worried about him cutting coz he was heaps down about getting dumped
Steve dice:
k
Steve dice:
who do u feel most cared about by in the world?
Deathwish dice:
him
Steve dice:
who next
Deathwish dice:
i guess my parents
Steve dice:
how do they show it, n how dont they, n what would u like them to do that they dont, if anything?
Deathwish dice:
well ben always says he cares.. but he doesnt really show it.. like if he knows im upset he just gets angry at me.. or does nothin
Steve dice:
k
Steve dice:
what about ur parents
Deathwish dice:
there alrite.. but they dont know anything.. i always act happy around them
Steve dice:
yeah
Steve dice:
k im still reading ur entries
Steve dice:
on the second one now
Deathwish dice:
ok
Steve dice:
does wag mean skip school?
Deathwish dice:
yer lol
Steve dice:
k
Steve dice:
do they call ur parents if u skip?
Deathwish dice:
in the afternoon they dont.. but if ur not there in the morning they call
Steve dice:
ah
Steve dice:
have they called urs?
Deathwish dice:
nup.. ive only wagged once and never got caught
Steve dice:
would u go to school if u didnt have to?
Deathwish dice:
nope
Steve dice:
how come?
Deathwish dice:
i hate school
Steve dice:
why
Deathwish dice:
well the learning stuffs alrite.. its just being alone all the time
Steve dice:
what do u mean alone
Steve dice:
i can imagine but...
Steve dice:
explain plz
Deathwish dice:
like i have a group of friends.. but in that group everyone has like there own best friend.. and they'll go off like to the canteen and i'll sit there alone
Steve dice:
ah
Steve dice:
that hurts
Deathwish dice:
yup
Steve dice:
hug
Steve dice:
hey r u on about every day?
Deathwish dice:
yup
Steve dice:
would u want to help me manage the list of teens? the girl doing it now lost her internet
Deathwish dice:
i'll try
Steve dice:
k if i find the list ill send it to u, in the mean time can u write to this girl n tell her what happened with the other girls internet who was supposed to send out the list?
Steve dice:
xxxxxxx@hotmail.co.uk
Deathwish dice:
ok
Steve dice:
n send her jj's email
Deathwish dice:
yer
Steve dice:
k do u mind?
Deathwish dice:
nah its fine
Steve dice:
k
Steve dice:
can i give u some advice on listening to ben?
Deathwish dice:
yer
Steve dice:
well let me show u this...
Steve dice:
or can u go to my site eqi.org for a minute?
Steve dice:
n read something from it?
Steve dice:
cuz u invalidate him a bit. n u two kind of debate back n forth. like he says im so and so and u say no ur not n he says yes i am. do u know what i mean?
Deathwish dice:
yep
Steve dice:
k will u look at my site?
Steve dice:
this stuff is really important
Steve dice:
they dont teach it at school
Steve dice:
i dont want u to suffer as much as me before u learn it
Deathwish dice:
yer
Steve dice:
k tell me when ur on my site
Deathwish dice:
yer im on there
Steve dice:
k go to the part where it says search this site
Steve dice:
see it?
Steve dice:
n type in invalidation
Deathwish dice:
yer
Steve dice:
k
Steve dice:
read a bit plz
Steve dice:
n tell me what u think of it
Deathwish dice:
ok
Steve dice:
k
Deathwish dice:
so instead of saying dont worry wat am i supposed to do
Steve dice:
i say yeah or send a hug
Steve dice:
or something like i understand, or "that hurts, im really sorry"
Steve dice:
or i try to get them to tell me more about things that hurt
Steve dice:
to let them get it all out as much as possible
Steve dice:
i can see u care about ben. thats not the issue, u know?
Steve dice:
but its how u show it. how we all show it
Steve dice:
how do u feel bout me telling u this right now? be honest plz
Deathwish dice:
i think ur right.. i just never know wat to say
Steve dice:
i know
Steve dice:
they dont teach this stuff
Steve dice:
and it pisses me off
Steve dice:
they teach crap u dont need
Steve dice:
but not important life and death stuff
Steve dice:
molly i talked to a guy who told me his mate killed himself ten minutes after he saw him
Steve dice:
ten minutes later
Steve dice:
n the guy who told me is a shitty listener
Steve dice:
i went to talk to him one night when i was depressed
Steve dice:
i felt worse when i left
Steve dice:
do u see what im saying?
Deathwish dice:
yes
Steve dice:
n this was a mate, not a gf
Steve dice:
could he have saved that guys life?
Steve dice:
maybe
Steve dice:
im guessing probably
Steve dice:
if he had been taught how to fucking listen
Deathwish dice:
yer
Steve dice:
im talking life and death
Steve dice:
i hate schools too
Steve dice:
cuz they didnt teach me the most important shit in life
Steve dice:
u know ive been divorced twice?
Steve dice:
n broken up so many times, n cried so much....
Steve dice:
i dont want teens to go thru all that
Steve dice:
can i give u some more suggestions on talking to ben?
Deathwish dice:
yes plz
Steve dice:
dont tell him what to do and not to
Steve dice:
parents do that
Steve dice:
tell him how u feel
Steve dice:
what ur afraid of
Steve dice:
tell him u love him n dont want him to hurt himself
Steve dice:
but dont say "dont do something stupid"
Steve dice:
say exactly what ur afraid of
Steve dice:
say "im afraid ur gonna kill urself. it scares the shit out of me. i care about u so much" or i love u so much. ur so important to me. im really scared
Steve dice:
or whatever ur afraid of
Deathwish dice:
wow ur so right
Steve dice:
thanks
Steve dice:
i was scared ud start getting defensive
Steve dice:
so i feel relieved
Steve dice:
u know, i just checked ur convos. u two almost never say "i feel" then a feeling word
Steve dice:
its almost always I feel like....
Steve dice:
n u really dont talk much about ur feelings directly
Steve dice:
can u look up emotional literacy in google n read about it? i think my sites first but there are others too
Steve dice:
more shit they dont teach in school
Deathwish dice:
yer.. but when im scared he'll cut i dont think.. i just have to tell him straight away not to.. and i know that doesnt help
Steve dice:
try saying "im scared ull cut"
Steve dice:
n actually, cutting is not that dangerous
Steve dice:
cutting doesnt kill pple as far asive seen
Steve dice:
ask him straight out if hes feeling suicidal
Steve dice:
asking pple if they are sucidal doesnt make them do it
Steve dice:
n accept his feelings. dont make him afraid to tell u the truth cuz its gonna scare u
Steve dice:
or tell him,im afraid ur thinking of killing urself. n ask if he is
Steve dice:
or just leave it at the first bit
Steve dice:
n say stuff like im sorry ur hurting so much. cuz if he is thinking of cutting or if ur afraid he would, then hes hurting a lot
Steve dice:
n ask if there is something u can do to help
Steve dice:
n just keep telling him u love him n sending hugs
Steve dice:
n hes important to u
Deathwish dice:
yerr.. i did say sorry coz he was upset.. but he got angry at me coz it wasnt my fault he was upset
Steve dice:
ah
Deathwish dice:
yep we do that stuff
Steve dice:
yeah i know pple that do that
Steve dice:
they dont want others to feel bad for them
Steve dice:
that makes it harder
Steve dice:
they dont feel deserving
Steve dice:
u know what i mean?
Deathwish dice:
yer
Steve dice:
that makes it a lot harder
Steve dice:
if u want send me ur next convo
Steve dice:
if i have time ill see what i can suggest. i cant promise tho ok? im trying to do a lot of things these days
Deathwish dice:
yer thnx for helping
Steve dice:
ur welcome
Steve dice:
thanks for saying thanks
Steve dice:
it helps me feel appreciated
Steve dice:
which is something i need
Deathwish dice:
yer and ur definatly right.. i think that will help alot
Steve dice:
k well i hope so. let me know how it goes.
Steve dice:
if u do say im sorry ur hurting. n he says its not ur fault, u might just say, yeah i know, how about a hug, can i send u a hug then?
Steve dice:
cuzi care about u a lot
Steve dice:
i didnt see that u guys send hugs. do u sometimes?
Steve dice:
when ur with him it would be easier to just listen. hold his hand n squeeze it from time to time n let him talk
Deathwish dice:
yer thats wat i want
Steve dice:
k
Steve dice:
look up "silent hugs" in my site or on google
Steve dice:
its a sweet story, true too
Deathwish dice:
ok
Steve dice:
mine should be first in google
Steve dice:
about a girl in holland
Steve dice:
hey will u do something for me? save this convo, change the names and details and send it back to me so i can post it?
Deathwish dice:
ok
Steve dice:
tell me what u think of the story
Deathwish dice:
its nice.. and true
Steve dice:
then im gonna give u two more assignments. one is look up listening on my site. another is look up understanding n read them. but first will u do this convo? cuz im afraid im gonna get sleepy.
Steve dice:
its four am here
Steve dice:
k
Steve dice:
are all those ur cuts on the xanga pics page?
Deathwish dice:
the ones on my arm are.. some r just pics i found on the net
Steve dice:
k
Steve dice:
is that third one ben?
Deathwish dice:
yep
Steve dice:
k
Steve dice:
have u edited the convo?
Deathwish dice:
no sorry.. theres too much
Steve dice:
lol
Steve dice:
yeah its long!
Deathwish dice:
maybe i can just email it to u later.. i should be studying.. i got exams all week
Steve dice:
ah
Steve dice:
k
Steve dice:
When I look into the mirror I feel like throwing up. I take showers with the lights turned off. I wear long sleeves and long pants.That's what I mean when I say I hate this body. As in, it disgusts me.Every inch of it. I hate this hair.I hate this face. I hate these eyes, and this nose and these lips.Everything is Ugly.Nothing is Beautiful.Everything could be Better. I'm not good Enough. I hate th
Steve dice:
did u write that?
Deathwish dice:
no.. but i feel like that
Steve dice:
k
Steve dice:
hug
Steve dice:
ah now i see where u say u didnt
Deathwish dice:
yer
Steve dice:
it sad
Deathwish dice:
yer
Steve dice:
k
Steve dice:
welli better get some sleep!
Deathwish dice:
ok thnks for ur help.. night
Steve dice:
ur welcom
Steve dice:
good luck with ben
Steve dice:
send me the next convo where u have an important talk ok?
yep
Steve dice:
n if u have time, edit this one, up to the part i asked u to save it
Steve dice:
id really like to post it so others can see it, like the parts on listening n school
Deathwish dice:
ok
Steve dice:
k good nite
Deathwish dice:
cya