Emotional Intelligence | Cara's Main Page

Letters from Cara, p2
page 1

On mixed messages

Friday, September 15, 2006 4:26 AM


Tu as ne repondu pas mon courriel. Pourquoi? Ect-ce que je peux pose une question? Quand adolescents veulent se donner la mort, est-ce qu'il y a une raison plus frequent? Je voudrais rediger un script realiste exprimer raison pour laquelle nous n'aime pas vie. Je ne parle tres bien francais, et je raterais mon examen en novembre, alors il faut practiquer!! Euh, je n'ai pas beacoup de choses ecrire, alors...
Grosses bises,

Isabelle L-S

Friday, September 15, 2006 4:32 PM


she doesnt like me that much i dont think. im so useless with things like that. i so wanted her to like me. she just signed off without saying bye. you know, sometimes you can be a little... lacking... in some aspects of EI. lifes reality is that we have to get on with people.empathy is v important i think. and i lecture enough to b a uni prof i know. when you told marnie that sarah was a better listener at fourteen, you shouldv known she'd b hurt. you possibly did. the truth shouldnt just be siad straight out when its going to hurt. try to hint. suggest improvements. tell them how it makes u feel when they do it, not just that they are bad at such and such. try not to compare people, it hurts to feel less important than someone else.and try not to judge people you don't know too harshly. i feel defensive, hurt, inadequate and substandard when you say my parents, who i like, are worse than i think. i think that when ur purely idealistic idea of ei and my logical ideas can blend well. between the two sets of emotional standars should lie a functional healthy midpoint at which humans work together to achieve the best for us all
oh, she's back on... but im not gonna push it. ah. her computer froze.
ive changed a lot. you're a little like a parent yourself, trying to change the way we see our biological mum and dad. becuae you care. because you want us to see what you think is right and true. maybe you should just let that one marinate in the hug vat of cmplex thought you carry on your mind. terrible metaphor.

Hug,
Cara/Iz

Friday, September 15, 2006 5:28 PM

Subject : Journals

On uniformity in Education: Students hate school uniforms, but at the same time we do quite like them. They are great equalisers. I feel comfortable that I won’t be judged for wearing my school uniform (at school, that is), but at the same time it stifles our creativity and natural individuality. Mufti or no uniform is difficult too. Do you know how much effort it is to decide what you’re going to wear to impress 1200 people every day? A more practical middle ground would be a basic uniform (pants, top or skirt, top, you choose) with flexibility for shoes, jewellery, make up and sweaters/jerseys. Forcing complete conformity fosters resentment and rebellion. Education institutes would find that they were much more productive if they simply gave students more say, and made school about education instead of rules. We want to feel like we have some control, some power. We are sick of being told to respect the teachers who have so little respect for us. Respect should be earned. We need more student representatives on Boards of Trustees, because schools are about students’ learning, not what parents and community members want. The majority of us are eager to learn if the right method is presented to us. People on power trips should not be in management and student relations positions. Also, we need better teachers. If teaching was more highly valued, which sadly means recognised with high salaries these days, more talented people would be attracted to the profession. Education of future generations is the most important thing we can do.

On Mixed Messages: They tell us to be individuals but then they tell us to do as we are told. They tell us to be ourselves while trying to change that. They tell us not to have sex but TV and magazines bombard us with the message that sex is cool, the more partners the better. They make us accountable for what we have done but not for what we will do. We are old enough to suffer consequences of past actions but are “too young” to make decisions for ourselves. They get so upset when we get eating disorders, but I know at least 10 mothers who have encouraged, even PAID their normal or slightly round girls to lose weight! They tell us looks aren’t important, then we see “beautiful people” everywhere, people who are only known because of superficial outward appearance. They tell us to be honest so we tell them something we need to get off our chest, and we end up in trouble for it! They tell us not to lie but they lie to us so much. As Nathaniel Hawthorne wrote, “I look around me and, lo! On every visage a Black Veil.” Nobody tells the truth, and we still get admonished for lying about petty and unimportant issues. Lying about feelings is worse than lying about going to a party, but we don‘t get told that. We are taught values that our parents and teachers never uphold themselves. Why can thy punish us, when we can’t punish teachers for being late or our parents for having attitude problems. Hell, we can’t even VOTE! We are not trusted which prevents trust. Hypocrisy is rife amongst the people in authority over teenagers. All we want is to be treated as equals, which is what we deserve. We want to be valued not on an age basis but because of who we are! We understand that you do want what’s best for us but so do we, and we know ourselves better. We want to be included. We want you to step back, to trust us. I’m warming to your point of view, Steve!

Steve: Your Singapore and Aussie sections are good. You’ve changed. Your writing is more accusatory now, and more emotive. You were not so black and white then. You saw the shades in between. Remember that. Remember that not every situation is either right or wrong. Remember not to discount values that are different from your own. I feel old writing this. I’m not lecturing. I’m suggesting, I swear. I wouldn’t bother trying to help if I didn’t care! *hug*

a hundred bajillion x's and o's,
-"Cara" and Isabelle

Saturday, September 16, 2006 1:19 AM

Subject : Song, sounds better with tune tho



It's not easy at the best of times,
Coz life's just crazy, no reason no rhyme.
Why's it so hard to know who's really me?
They're all here, telling me who to be.

They're pushing me
from all sides,
I just can't breathe,
And it feels like
They're closing in
From all sides,
They push, pull, to
"act a fool,
or just don't try,"

(why do I try...)

They say, I think I'm just so great,
They say, that I should lose some weight,
They think I should be perfect, too
They all want me to be someone new.

They're pushing me
from all sides,
I just can't breathe,
And it feels like
They're closing in
From all sides,
They push, pull, to
"act a fool,
or just don't try,"

And I don't know who they are and it's strange
There's all these people round me who are trying to make me change
And I don't know what makes them wanna try;
Is there something I'm missing, do they WANNA make me cry?
And I don't know why my life's like hide and seek
Is it my soul or just my words every time I speak?

They're pushing me, pushing me,
My soul is locked and I'm on the outside,
Pushing me, pushing me,
Nowhere safe now, nowhere to hide, hide, hide.

They're pushing me.

Isabelle (13)

Saturday, September 16, 2006 4:12 AM

Subject : your journals to date. u owe me a new one now.



Steve,

you seem to have a definite tendency to group and judge other people based on the assumption that our own standards are the right ones. If I was singaporean or indonesian or thai I would feel so insulted by some of the cultural remarks. I felt quite hurt by what you said about Aussie and I hate australia. i think it's an american thing. just remember, helen and john are so much nicer and smarter than george! So yeah, i would have toned down the cultural stuff in some of your journals. you can express feelings without getting so confrontational and blunt. at least im guessing you can. I wouldnt know as I can't talk about feelings.

After you've torn an individual to pieces, put in an "I understand they feel/believe x, but I feel/believe y because (state reason)." You want to help people not make people sound like idiots! I think the thing is that we are very culturally different. You are more blunt with how you feel about people. We are not. Neither way is right, however if you err on the side of caution when it comes to hurting people you are bound to be better off.

"Do you think Christ would give a crying child a hug?
I don't remember reading anything about hugs in the bible"

Mark 10:13-16...
They were bringing to him little children, that he should touch them, but the disciples rebuked those who were bringing them.

14 But when Jesus saw it, he was moved with indignation, and said to them, "Allow the little children to come to me! Don't forbid them, for the Kingdom of God belongs to such as these.

15 Most certainly I tell you, whoever will not receive the Kingdom of God like a little child, he will in no way enter into it."

16 He took them in his arms, and blessed them, laying his hands on them.
Okay I am reading about Angela in Ecuador and crying so much. Wow.

It is not sad to give starving children food, clothing and hope through churches. It isn't brainwashing. These are people who, like you, want to improve lives and pass on the things they think are important. You judge a lot.

Note on me: I do care about other people. I gave up most of this year helping kids with problems in my area. CHAT (our peer support thing) was so great. I know than I have helped at least one suicidal guy get his life back on track. He says he wouldn't be here without me and I don't know if that's true, but I miss him and I wish we were still as close as we used to be. He wasn't smart, emotionally or intellectually. But he is very special. I'm glad he's still here. So yeah, I'm NOT isolated from my emotions or anything. And we used to hug for an hour or so until we both felt better. And not talk. So I'm not as useless as I seem. Well, I am but... lol

Anyway... im up to bolivia now. which is cool.
Okay, I am a SPEEDY reader. I have read your whole Journal from Australia to now. The main problems are judgement things. Things about parents. Things about religions. You can't criticize religions. They are part of society and you just have to accept it.

I'm going to have a break then start writing my play. I might send you a copy when I'm done.
Ciao!! Have a great day!
x's and o's Izzy.
(actually I'm sick of conforming to the idea that x should mean kiss and o should mean hug. And how can you put one syllable to such powerful actions. so my new xs and ox are going to b 9's and 10', because kisses make you feel 9 and hugs make u feel 10.)

so, 9's and 10's
Cara. My name is part of me, so why can't it change as I do!!
-Crazygirl.

Sunday, September 17, 2006 1:07 AM

Subject : go on


go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ur meeting should b over now!

Sunday, September 17, 2006 5:18 AM

Subject : sketches, symbolism and songs

This is yet another song that sounds better with the tune. I guess keeping on trying is all I can do. I will get better, some day!

Cara-Bella Cinder-Ella

Maybe my life's a Cinderella story,
One moment nothing and next it's glory,
Going from useless to a star? (Yeah, yeah...)
You've come along to teach me all you know,
Who to like, what to think and where to go.
Are you my fairy Godmamma?

I gotta want to learn it all,
Can't teach me to be just like you,
I'd drive you up the wall!
And if I am not good enough,
Why do you bother to try?

I'm not a little lump of plaster,
You're the one who's scornful of schoolmasters,
But you are being one right now (Oh, oh...)
If I was useless when you met me
You should just stop chatting and forget me!
I wanna listen, don't know how...

And I do want to learn it all,
But I still want to be like me
Myself or not at all,
So if that is not good enough,
Please just don't bother to try.

I'm shrinking,
Spinning.
It's all so big
And I feel small.
I'm drowning,
Sinking.
I cannot hide
From me, from it all.

Cinderella, she's not me.

Sunday, September 17, 2006 9:08 AM

Subject : sabelotodo


I am NOT a know it all! Just checked spanish dictionary for that one. My only spanish so far is lke, ola, adios and estupida puta (and I don't even know if it's right!). But I am not a know-it-all. I know very little actually. Very little o importance. Which I just wrote n my blog, actually! I feel therefore I am is my modified saying now.

9's and 10's
Cara (I'm starting to like this name!)

Sunday, September 17, 2006 11:14 AM

Subject : Wanting to help.




You don't compare me. I more compare myself. Though u did write, Isabelle vs Loo. But I compare myself, because I need myself to be good. I need constant affirmation, which is slightly pathetic, I know that. I feel unworthy when other people are better at things than me, that's why I read so much and try so hard at school. I could probably be anything I wanted to be except for a counsellor or a social worker. I know I could do science or english or politics. I guess I couldn't be a teacher because I wouldn't be good at it since I can't listen. But the feeling of being able to do what I want makes me feel so trapped. I always feel trapped. Inside the constraints of reality, my own abilities, my learning, my culture, society's beliefs, other peoples perception of me...
I wanted to help you you know. I wrote that blog after I talked to you, that first entry. I meant it. I'm so earnest and idealistic and all of that. My head is filled with the idea that I can make a difference, but I just pissed u off and u felt lectured to. I'm sorry about that. All I've ever known how to do is to give people no-bull advice, because that's what my friends seek. I dont tell them they have a chance with someone if I and everyone else can see they REALLY don't, for example. They value that, but I need to change that 4 u. God, I send you an email every hour or so, it seems like such obsessive behaviourand I do have a very addictive personality, maybe I'm addicted to you.
Why don't you like it when I say things about my thoughts? I tried to tell you things that come into my head and that suddenly mean everything to me. But I guess you invalidate (my new buzzword) my thoughts. If being the one you rave about in your journals means not thinking like me but feeling even more, I don't want that. I feel too much as it is.