Part of one of our first chats (Dec 27, 2004)
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
so anyhow, how have you been feeling
just kelly dice:
i have been depriving myself from everybody
just kelly dice:
keeping myself locked in my room
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
thats probably just as well!
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
but how come
just kelly dice:
Because i have been so tired
just kelly dice:
i don't want people doing my head in
just kelly dice:
i asked my mam to buy my cd's today, i gave her the money for
them
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
which cd's
just kelly dice:
Green day , the single
just kelly dice:
eminem-encore
just kelly dice:
maroon five-song about jane
just kelly dice:
NOW 59
just kelly dice:
Natasha Bedingfield-unwritten
just kelly dice:
anastacia
just kelly dice:
album
just kelly dice:
the streets-a grand don't come for free
just kelly dice:
thats it
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
ok
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
which is ur favorite
just kelly dice:
I like all of them, but my fav album i thik is eminem
just kelly dice:
and my favourite song is off anistacia, it's called left outside
alone
just kelly dice:
it's words have such meaning
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
how do they go
just kelly dice:
All my life i've been waiting
for you to bring a fairy tale my way
you're living in a fantasy without meaning
It's not ok I don't feel safe
I don't feel safe
just kelly dice:
Left broken, empty in despair
wanna breathe can't find air
thought you were sent from up above
but you 'n me never had love
so much more i have to say
help me find a way
just kelly dice:
And i wonder if you know
how real it feels
to be left outside alone
when it's cold out here
well maybe you should know
just how it feels
to be left outside alone
to be left outside alone
I tell ya all of my life i been waiting
for you to bring a fairy tale my way
you're living in a fantasy without meaning
It's not ok I don't feel safe
I need to pray
just kelly dice:
Why-y do you play me like a game
always someone else to blame
careless helpless little man
some day i might understand
there's not much more to say
but i hope you find a way
just kelly dice:
Still i wonder if you know
how real it feels
to be left outside alone
when it's cold out here
well maybe you should know
just how it feels
to be left outside alone
to be left outside alone
I tell ya all of my life i been waiting
for you to bring a fairy tale my way
you're living in a fantasy without meaning
It's not ok I don't feel safe
I need to pray
(Heavenly father please save me)
save me
Oh
just kelly dice:
All of my life i been waiting
for you to bring a fairy tale my way
you're living in a fantasy without meaning
It's not ok I don't feel safe
I need to pray
just kelly dice:
Would you like me to send the song?
More from our chats
just kelly dice:
me mam
just kelly dice:
fukin doin me head in
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
like how
just kelly dice:
cause she wouldn't let me have a tab outside
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
a what?
just kelly dice:
ciggerette
just kelly dice:
tab
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
ah
just kelly dice:
i am going to scream
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
*hug*
just kelly dice:
my sister is trying to get into my room
just kelly dice:
BITCH
just kelly dice:
sorry
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
its ok
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
do u want someone to fall in love with u?
just kelly dice:
i don't know cause ppl who love me hurt me
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
yeah i understand
just kelly dice:
do u want to see my brother?
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
sure
just kelly dice:
u wouldn't think that he beat me up everyday would u?
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
yeah i would
just kelly dice:
me mam said i have to be off by 11
just kelly dice:
so i will go off, wait until she has gone to bed then come back
on
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
its okay cuz i want to go do some stuff
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
and i am starving
just kelly dice:
she said she is going to listen for me and if i haven't turned it
off she is going to unplug the internet
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
she sounds like a bitch for a mother
just kelly dice:
yea
just kelly dice:
u got that one right
then i saw on the web cam it looked like she was yelling
at someone...
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
u yelling at someone?
just kelly dice:
no
just kelly dice:
just getting me head done in
just kelly dice:
as usual
just kelly dice:
i hate my mother
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
getting yelled at u mean
just kelly dice:
yea
just kelly dice:
i was sort of yelling back
just kelly dice:
but wot do u expect
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
could u try to write down the things she says
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
like what did she say that time exactly
just kelly dice:
she sais " you want to get that computer off in your room,
i'm telling you"
just kelly dice:
"cause if you don't, i am going to pull the plug out"
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
k
just kelly dice:
i told her to fuck off cause she was doing my head in
just kelly dice:
then she tried to open the door
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
lol
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
good for u
just kelly dice:
and said if i didn't open it she would kick the door down and
bray me
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
bray?
just kelly dice:
in other words she would kick me to shit
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
when was the last time she actually hit u
just kelly dice:
when she kicked me out
just kelly dice:
about a week ago
just kelly dice:
i go to the centre
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
what is that
just kelly dice:
it's a place to go instead of school
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
ah
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
i thought maybe something like a counseling place
just kelly dice:
no
just kelly dice:
but i am getting reffered somewhere for anger manegment
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
lol
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
what about ur mom
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
is she getting referred anywhere for anger management and parent
skills?
just kelly dice:
she is coming along with me for the family support
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
ah
family support? somehow I doubt Kelly feels supported by her mother. I wish these counselors would send the parents to classes instead of the teenagers. And I wish they had classes for future parents long before they damaged people like Kelly.
just kelly dice:
listen if the internet gets disconnected my mam has pulled it out
ok
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
k
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
well lets say goodnight before she does
just kelly dice:
do we have to right away?
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
no, not right away
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
u look so sad kelly
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
i wish i could do something about it
just kelly dice:
sorry
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
its not ur fault
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
that is what is sadder
just kelly dice:
what is sadder?
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
i really want to take u away from there and let u enjoy life a
bit
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
it is sadder the way ur family has treated u
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
and that is why u are sad
just kelly dice:
SSDD
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
whats that
just kelly dice:
same shit different day
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
lol
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
ah
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
where'd u go
just kelly dice:
i put the radio next to the door so mabey the computer might not
sound as loud
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
lol
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
smart
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
i feel really sad when i think about someone like having to be
afraid of someone like ur mother
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
there are so many smart teenagers living in fear
just kelly dice:
i'm not afraid of her shes justa bitch
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
k
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
did u cry the other night
just kelly dice:
no
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
k
just kelly dice:
i can't
just kelly dice:
sorry
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
anyhow, in the UK there is a group of counselors called the
samaritans
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
they are quite good i think
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
it is free
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
id like u to go check one out sometime
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
id feel better if u had someone there to talk to besides me
just kelly dice:
y?
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
cuz i beleive it helps to talk
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
and they might help u see that ur not a bad person
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
only ur family is fucked up
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
ur mom again?
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
at the door or something
just kelly dice:
yea
just kelly dice:
but shes gone the radio worked
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
she likes to try to control u
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
tell me again what u want from me
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
if u could have anything u wanted
just kelly dice:
a friend
just kelly dice:
someone 2 talk to
just kelly dice:
someon 2 listen
just kelly dice:
someone 2 be there through difficult times
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
k
just kelly dice:
so can u stay a bit longer?
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
sure
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
tell me some of ur favorite things
just kelly dice:
books
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
what else
just kelly dice:
drugs
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
lol
just kelly dice:
alchohol
just kelly dice:
tabs
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
whats that
just kelly dice:
ciggerettes
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
oh yeah
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
ur mom again?
just kelly dice:
yes
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
whatd she say this time
just kelly dice:
fukin get 2 sleep slut
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
slut?
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
lol
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
how can u be a slut when ur alone in ur room
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
and not having cyber sex
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
lol
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
maybe she thinks thats what ur doing
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
lol
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
she really attacks u a lot
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
attacks ur character
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
its got to be hard to take
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
im sorry u have had to live with that for 15, almost 16 years
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
do u think ur a slut?
just kelly dice:
i don't know
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
*hug*
just kelly dice:
thank you
just kelly dice:
can i turn the cam off 4 a while?
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
sure
just kelly ha dejado de ver imágenes de la cámara Web con
usted.
just kelly dice:
sorry
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
its okay
just kelly dice:
how is it always ok when i say sorry?
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
cuz its okay. i dont hold it against u
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
u needed to turn off the camera, so i accepted that
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
so it was okay
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
see what i mean?
just kelly dice:
yea
just kelly dice:
i hate myself
just kelly dice:
sorry
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
yeah i can understand.
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
its cuz uve been treated so badly
just kelly dice:
wot would u do if i killed myself
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
feel really really really sad
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
i would also understand
just kelly dice:
but then u would just forget and move on?
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
no i dont think i would ever forget seeing u tonight
just kelly dice:
i'm sorry steve
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
r u thinking of doing it
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
kelly?
just kelly dice:
?
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
i feel scared
just kelly dice:
?
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
scared ure going to kill urself right now
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
and i will write kelly?
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
and u wont answer
just kelly dice:
sorry
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
its okay
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
does that bug u when i say that
just kelly dice:
?
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
when i say its okay
just kelly dice:
duno
just kelly dice:
sorry steve
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
why r u sorry
just kelly dice:
?
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
cuz when u say sorry steve i am scared u are implying that u are
sorry u are going to kill urself and u know i will feel very sad
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
kelly do u trust me enough to tell me where u live exactly, so in
case u do die i can tell pple why u killed urself
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
and that ur mother was a bitch and that is why u killed urself
just kelly dice:
i can' steve
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
cuz if u did kill urself i wouldnt even know where u lived to
tell pple why u died
just kelly dice:
i can't take it
just kelly dice:
i don't want ppl 2 know
just kelly dice:
sorry steve
just kelly dice:
truely
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
please dont do it
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
thats about all i can say.
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
if u do, i will miss u a lot.
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
please type something
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
even if it is just dots
just kelly dice:
steve
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
thanks
just kelly dice:
cyring
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
hug
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
im glad ur crying
just kelly dice:
wrong
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
no its not
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
ur mom lied to u
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
just like she lied when she called u a slut
just kelly dice:
help me cry
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
k
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
ill tell u that its okay to cry
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
and that u have a lot of pain inside u and thats natures way of
letting it out
just kelly dice:
crying is wrong, i can' cry help me, y?
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
well i cant make u cry!
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
it will happen naturally when ur ready.
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
no one has ever loved u i imagine
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
so maybe there was no point in crying cuz no one cared
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
can u type something for me again
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
kelly, r u there?
just kelly dice:
.
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
thanks
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
it hurts when ur mom calls u a slut, huh?
just kelly dice:
..
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
ok lets just send each other dots
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
like morse code
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
...
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
ur turn
just kelly dice:
me
just kelly dice:
bad
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
yeah cuz ur supposed to send dots in morse code
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
ok lets try again
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
...
just kelly dice:
no
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
ok fine, dont send dots
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
send dashes
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
---
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
- - -
just kelly dice:
sorry steve
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
can u tell me one feeling u feel right now
just kelly dice:
d
just kelly dice:
e
just kelly dice:
p
just kelly dice:
r
just kelly dice:
e
just kelly dice:
s
just kelly dice:
s
just kelly dice:
e
just kelly dice:
d
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
yeah
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
h
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
u
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
g
just kelly dice:
i
just kelly dice:
h
just kelly dice:
a
just kelly dice:
t
just kelly dice:
e
just kelly dice:
m
just kelly dice:
e
just kelly dice:
get that
just kelly dice:
?
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
yeah
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
how come u hate u
just kelly dice:
bad
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
can u tell me what u did that was bad
just kelly dice:
no
just kelly dice:
mad
just kelly dice:
u
just kelly dice:
will
just kelly dice:
be
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
oh u stole my computer again?
just kelly dice:
ye
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
hang on i am going out to see if is still there
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
hey it is still there
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
so what did u do that was bad
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
if i guess it will u tell me?
just kelly dice:
maby
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
k
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
i guess that u think it was bad to do what u did with ur uncle
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
one dot for yes two for no
just kelly dice:
.
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
k
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
give me another dot if there is something else u think u did that
was bad
just kelly dice:
.
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
hmmm
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
was it with another guy
just kelly dice:
..
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
hmm
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
did u steal something
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
besides my computer i mean
just kelly dice:
.
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
something of mine????
just kelly dice:
..
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
k
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
ummm
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
was it money
just kelly dice:
.
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
from ur mom
just kelly dice:
.
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
good for u
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
shes a bitch
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
was it more than 100 pounds
just kelly dice:
..
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
darn
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
more than 10
just kelly dice:
..
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
k
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
was it recently
just kelly dice:
.
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
did she find out
just kelly dice:
..
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
ok well i wont tell her
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
k?
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
hmm
just kelly dice:
bad
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
something else?
just kelly dice:
.
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
hmm
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
drugs?
just kelly dice:
..
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
sex
just kelly dice:
..
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
rock and roll
just kelly dice:
..
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
thats a little joke
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
case u missed it
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
um
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
can i have a hint
just kelly dice:
blood
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
cutting?
just kelly dice:
.
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
k
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
just kelly dice:
angry?
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
no
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
i feel love for u kelly
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
not anger
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
have pple gotten mad at u before for cutting?
just kelly dice:
.
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
ur mom?
just kelly dice:
..
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
hmm
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
ur dad
just kelly dice:
..
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
stepdad
just kelly dice:
..
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
mates
just kelly dice:
..
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
counselor
just kelly dice:
..
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
brother
just kelly dice:
..
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
sister
just kelly dice:
..
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
boyfriend
just kelly dice:
..
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
i need a hint
just kelly dice:
police
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
ah
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
k
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
that wouldn't help much
just kelly dice:
in the cell
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
ah
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
u were in jail and cut?
just kelly dice:
plastic cup
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
u used a plastic cup to cut
just kelly dice:
.
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
that was creative
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
and they got mad at u
just kelly dice:
.
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
im sorry
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
and no one gave u a hug
just kelly dice:
..
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
im sorry again
just kelly dice:
was pissed
just kelly dice:
drunk
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
ah
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
u were drunk
just kelly dice:
.
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
k
just kelly dice:
mam
just kelly dice:
i
just kelly dice:
hate
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
me too
just kelly dice:
feel
just kelly dice:
guilty
just kelly dice:
sorry steve
just kelly dice:
i should go
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
its okay kelly
just kelly dice:
no
just kelly dice:
its not
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
ill go in a few minutes
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
how come u said u feel guilty
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
cuz we are still talking?
just kelly dice:
./..
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
yes and no?
just kelly dice:
./..
just kelly dice:
./..
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
hmm
just kelly dice:
die?
just kelly dice:
me?
just kelly dice:
yes?
just kelly dice:
sorry
just kelly dice:
steve
just kelly dice:
by by
just kelly dice:
fone me if u can steve by by
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
ok
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
good night
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
*hug*
just kelly dice:
0798*******
just kelly dice:
nite
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
k
stevehein@hotmail.com dice:
*hug*