kali 2

okay 12/20/2002

Things are okay.

My Aunt has the next week or so off because school is out.

We are getting along okay now.

Things are fine.

xxxxxxxx

trouble sleeping, Dare, Mike 12/21/2002

I coudn't sleep again. My Aunt questioned me on it, and, I didn't really have an answer as to why. She suggested that if it continues, we should talk to a doctor about sleeping pills.

I don't think I am very up to that idea. or pills of any sort that is...

Anyway, Mike and I have still been talking on the phone. I feel bad that I am lieing to my Aunt about it...really, is is lieing if you just aren't telling?

I really don't understand what the big deal is. We are only friends. We talk and keep each other company. We haven't even known eachother very long, so I don't understand what my Aunt's problem is. She says that he is too old or whatever. He isn't even that old.

I am thinking about going to Church with my Aunt on Sunday. I am not religious, but, religious "leaders" were always the people who conforted me the most when I felt alone. Right now, I am feeing pretty alone.

It will pass, I am sure. It's probably just the crappy weather and the fact that I am worrieing about Dare so much...out there in the cold, again.

kali

Mike talked to my AUnt! 12/22/2002

Mike called me today. I was quite suprised, because, he knows that my Aunt didn't want me talking to him. At first I was angree that he put me in that situation...of getting "caught."

"My would have been mad if she answered the phone," I told told him perhaps a bit bitterly.

"No, it's okay," he said,"I talked to her this morning."

I was completely shocked!

Apparently, while I was in the shower today, he had called my house and my AUnt answered. He said that he wasn't calling for me, but for her.

I guess they talked for a good fifteen minuets or so. My Aunt explained that she didn't want me to get hurt, used, ect. ect. I guess that she mentioned that in the High School she works at, she sees a lot of younger girls who are basically used by these older guys, and, being vulnerable, they fall right into it.

Mike explained that we are only friends, and that he wouldn't hurt me. He said that we have a good time together and feel confortable talking to eachother. He said that I was a good listener, and that he thought we both needed a friend who we can talk to right now...which is really true.

I can't believe my Aunt never even told me that they had talked today! She didnt' mention it at all. Maybe she was waiting for Mike to mention it.

Anyway, I am glad that he did. It takes a big weight off of my shoulder. I hate sneaking around and stuff. Mike has more courage than me. I suppose he is more mature, as well...because that takes a lot to stop the sneaking around and just be honest.

Anyway, apparently, my Aunt said that we can talk and do things together...but, she wants to meet him. He is going to come by some time tomorrow. I am kind of nervous, but, it should be good. My Aunt mentioned going to dinner, which should take some tention off because we wont' have to talk as much...we'll have food in our mouths..haha.

I am glad that I don't have to loose this friendship. I know that it probably won't last "forever." He will be going back to school and be surrounded by his peers again, and maybe he will forget me...this fourteen year old. (even though he says he thinks of me as an equal. )

But, right now, it is good...and...I guess I can only live for today. Life is hard enough, and, dwelling on what might happen, or, dwelling on the past, only makes it so much more worse. I will try to live for today.

Hmm...sounds like something somebody would say in AA. A counsolor at the Juvinile facility used to always tell me that..."LIve for today..." It is kind of conrey, I guess, but, whatever gets you through another day is worth it.

First Christmas... 12/27/2002

I haven't celebrated Chirstmas in years...IN fact, I don't ever really remember celebrating it. Usually, my family would try too, but, some sort of fight would break out and ruin everything.

I guess it's okay, since we weren't a religious family.

Christmas is superficial, but, I was also kind of jealous of people who celbrated christmas...not because of presents or anything, but, becaue, they all seemed extra nice to eachother.

ANyway, my AUnt is kind of relgious. She does do the superficial stuff too. She got me so much! I really couldn't believe it. I started crying...not because I got so much "stuff" but, because of the gesture.

This is probably more "stuff" than I have ever even owned in my life.

I guess he only did it becasue she doesn't have kids...younger kids anyway. She's divorced and doesn't have a lot of family. And, it's my first CHristmas with her...and last christmas was....cold and crappy and lonely.

She got me lots of clothes, books, DVD's, games, journals...silly stuff like that...

I hope that I don't sound like some superficial air head. I am really not...I even feel guilty for likeing the stuff. I grew up not having much, and, I feel very guilty for having all of this and ebcause she spent so much money on me.

Oh well.

Mike came over for about fifteen minuets on Christmas to say hi.

He's having trouble dealing with his borhter right now. His brother is really messed up.

Well, I have to go.

I am tired.

I wonder what my mother did on Christmas...

and, I even wonder how my father is and what he woudl think knowing that am doign good...well, I thinkn I am doing good anyway. I guess I am sort of adjusting to this new life.

Kali

depressed, i guess 12/31/2002

almost 12:30
can't sleep

even though im tired

hes always there in my dreams threatening me

making me feel sick to my stomach

I woke up and my pillows were wet and my hair wet

I must have been crying in my sleep

or sweating a lot

I wonder if my aunt reads thise ven though she saids he wouldn't

if she is I want her to know that i am so scared

and feel like i want to give up sometimes

i try to put everything behind me but its to hard

the memoires to strong

things are good here and it scares me sometimes...like i think things are too good and that it will all end or I will wake up from a dream

also, i don'tfeel like I deserve all of htis

Aunty,i've done so much wrong that you don't even know about

i say that i did it to survivebut maybe i didn't

maybe i did...do...deserve to be locked up

i wish that i had someone to talk too

I can't talk to mike about everythig because...i can't...

i can't talk to my counsolor about everything...

i don 't even know whati want to talk about or even if i want to talk

i am worried about "dare"

it's so cold out tonight and i want him to be okay

its stragne but i miss being out there with him somtimes

other than the cold and hunger sometimes i felt free with him

especially in old montrea when dare and i would listen to the guitarists play

once, i sang for one of the guitarist and he gave me some of the money that people gave to him

My aunt asked me what I want to do with my life and I didn't know.

should i know?

i feel so far behind everyone. i don't know whats normal and whats not normal

i don't know who i am...sometimes, i wonder if i am real

isn't that strange? sometimes i think wierd things up.

i scare myself sometimes

it would be so easy to crawl out my window and run away...find dare...

maybe in the summer when it's warm...maybe i will try to get a job so that i don't have to ask random people for money...

i hated doing that...people woudl give me such wierd looks...sometimes people would be rude and think that i woudl by drugs with it or something.

people are mean.

who cares anymore... 1/10/2003

who cares anymore?

Feel like packing my bags and leaving...but where too? my Aunt hasn't done anything. She's great. But, i don't know. i cant explane what Im feeling and thinking. I need to get away...maybe I am running away from myself or maybe I think I don't deserve to have this confy home because of everytinh i've done before. Maybe I am just a whiney bit ch. Maybe I'm just sad. i don't know whats wrong. I just know that somethingss not rigght.

Until next time

Kali

a survey I found...the first and probably only on 1/11/2003

1. Have you ever cut yourself: not purposly, if that is what this question is asking.

2. If you answered yes to number one, with what:

3. Do you cut yourself on a regular basis: lol, I fall a lot...but again, I don't cut myself on purpose.

4. Have you ever been depressed: yes, doesn't everybody?

5. are you depressed now- yes

6. Have you ever thought about suicide: yeah

7. If you were going to kill yourself how would you do it: I try not to think about that...it is too morbid

8. Have you gotten close to trying suicide: yeah

9. Are you suicidal now: no

10. Have you ever tried drugs: yes

11. If yes to number 10, which ones: "pot" "E" I did heroin once but not willingly so that doesn't count...nothing to hard willingly

12. Are you addicted or do you think you're addicted to any drugs: probably not, I don't do them anymore

13. Have you ever tried alcohol: sure

14. If you said yes to 13, do you drink it often: not anymore

15. If yes to 14, how often: dunno, none now that i am with my aunt

16. have you ever been physically abused? Yes

17. Have you ever been sexually abused: yeah

18. Are you a survivor of incest: a shameful yes

19. Does your family own a gun: I don't have a "family"

20. Could you get access to a gun if you wanted to: Yes

21. Could you get access to any other weapon: yeah.

22. Have you ever wanted to kill someone: hmm, I don't know...maybe my father and his friends...but, not anymore

23. If yes to 22, did you ever come close: no

24. Was there a shooting in your school: i don't go to school

25. If yes to 24, did you actually witness it with your own eyes:

26. Have you ever taken anti-depressants: no, but someone is trying to make me and i wont'

27. Have you ever taken any other type of medication: yes

28. Do you have a psychologist: a social worker

29. Do you have a psychiatrist: i have an oppointment for one, unfortually

30. Do you like life: sometimes

why doi do this to myself 2/2/2003

Since I got back, My aunt is so scared of me leaving again. She cried and cried and cried when she saw me. And of course, this made me feel even worse about leaving in the first place.

I don't know why I do this to myself. Something good happens t o me (finding my aunt and living here) and I leave.

Leaving my fa ther is one thing, but my aunt. My aunt is good tome.

I keep asking myself over and over why I left in the first place. THe only thing I can come up with is that I cant'except the fact that someone is treating me good and I want self destruction...

I am glad to be home now, though.

I am sick of the streets, cheap hotels, peoiple doing drugs and having sex around me, seeing hungry people, shelters, "soup kitchens," being dirty,

I am going to make it here. I deserve this, don't I? Maybe I lef tbecause I felt like I didn't deserve it. Maybe I wanted to leave before my aunt realizes how terribal I am and kicks me out. I know that wouldn't happen. but I think crazy things like this.

I will stay this time. and do anyt hing I can to make it up to my aunt for making her so so scared and worried. SHe is scared to keep me out of her sight...even now,s he is watching tv in the living room, looking at me ever few mminuets. SHe never watches tv...it's because im in the living room on the computer.

I don't blame her. She's scared.

how do I make her not worry that i will leave. how do I make her not worry that I will be okay?

oh, ih ave to talk to the police tomorrow. My aunt had made a missing person's report, and she called to say that i came back. now, the police want to talk to me...

im scared i will hve problem now for leaving my aunts...is it illegal?

My aunt said that they will probabl;y make me go to counsoling manditory or something...even thought I already was...

what if they want to put me bak in some place...or put me in a group home or something...this is the second time plus i have that old shop lifting charge before I came to live with my aunt....

why do i do this to myself?

kali

Home again... 2/2/2003

Man, a lot has gone on in the last month or so. I am not going to write it all here, though...at least not right now.

The basic "gist" of it is that I haven't been home, or with my Aunt. I came back the other day, though.

I must be stupid. THings go good for me, and I can't accept that they are good, and I have to try to mess them up again. Sometimes I'm my own worse enemy I think.

I'm just glad my Aunt isn't giving up on me and still wants me to live with her.

I'm so lucky.

Kali

who am I anyway? 2/5/2003

My AUnt is having a big dinner at the house tonight with some of the people she works with at her school. I have never really been to "dinner party's" and, to tell you the truth, it isn't very confortable. I feel like I have to be polite and...like...it with a certain fork or somethin. My AUnt told me to relax...that it isn't a big deal and to just be myself.

Who's that?

I realized last night, while I lyed in bed, that I Really haven'ta clue who I am. I don't really know what I like or anything...I've always been so worried about taking care of somebody else, avoiding being hurt, and mearly surviving, that I haven't had the chance to really find out who I am.

I was telling my Aunt this the other day. SHe said that most people my age don't really know who they are. I guess I am young. I'm not even 16...I feel old sometimes, though. I definatly can't relate to 14 and 15 year olds. They live in another world, it seems like.

I have plenty of time. I guess I am not going anywhere. I have everything I Need. I am not taking care of anybody else...lol...it doesn't even seen like I have o take care of myself because my aunt wants to do that! geez...so...I guess I have pleanty of time to...figure these things out.

hmm..

Kali

a new guitar 2/6/2003

I can't really sleep, so,I thought that I would come on here since there isn't anything good on television. Besides, I don't like tv that much anyway.

My AUnt wants to start my "home schooling" back up. Uck. I guess it is better than going to a regular school. I have to learn to adjust to these "routines" that normal people have...and rules...like, nobody used to MAKE me study or anything. ANd here, it is just expected...It's just a hard adjustment. Im used totaking care of myself. Oh well.

Anyway. Yeah.

I need a hobby to keep myself sane. What is there to do? I can't do anything outside really because it is so cold in the winter. I play guitar a bit. I sing. Maybe I will get back into the guitar and singing. I'm pretty good at it actually.well...the guitar anyway. My last guitar got stolen...I wonder if my Aunt woud lend me a couple hundred dollars to get a used guitar...I Hate to ask for money, though... Maybe I can make some kind of deal with her. I wish I was old enough to get a job...Maybe I can find a cheap guitar that's banged up that I can fix myself for cheap. I could probably fix up a guitar myself...

haha, now I am starting to get excited. I mis splaying and writing songs.

I want to try to make my own style. I play a bit of everything. Nirvana is fun to play...that gets you energzed...But I also like softer music and some "Oldies" Mostly, I liketo make my own music...it would be cool to start a style of music completely unique from all of the steriotypes...

Kali

playing 2/13/2003

yeah. I haven't been online much other than to get guitar tabs and music.

I really have been throwing myself into the music in the last couple of days. I convinced my aunt to get me a guitar. Actually, it didn't take much convincing. I just ask for suggestions on how I could make some money, she asked for what, and I told her. SHe told me to concider it an early birthday presant.

ANyway, at least this gives me some time to keep my mind of things. I've been writing music and lyrics and have came up with a few good things.

Things are okay anyway

kali

the entire court situation 3/1/2003

wow, it's been quite awhile since I"ve written in here. I guess I get bored with things easily...oh well.

I haven't been up to much. Mostly practising my guitar. I'm so glad that I got one. I've missed playing a lot. Haha, maybe I will join a band. I'm not sure if my Aunt owuld go for that, but I would like it. I would love performing for a crowd.There aren't many female guitarist for rock bands, though.

Anyway, I am happy that I got around the courts for the incident awhile ago...my leaving home thing. My Aunt went in there and pleaded with them to give me another chance...blablabla. Anyway, I was worried that they would try to say that I can't stay with my Aunt because I migh try running again. But, that isn't how it worked out. I am glad. I"m so lucky to have her.

Some case worker (Im not sure what he is ) has to come by once in awhile to see how things are, though. TO make sure I am going to my appointments, cooporating, doing my homeschooling plan, ect. My Aunt is unconfortable with him, but, as long as I can stay here, it's fine, for now.

My Aunt and doctor are still trying to get me to go on medication. I told my Aunt that I didn't want too. That I am fine. She says that I am not. You don't do anything, you high one minuet, low another minuet, you don't eat enough, ect. ect. ect... Sometimes I think that because she is a counsolor (well, a guidence counsolor) that she is trying to...counsel me. It is really annoying. I tell her that I fine. I am usually. WEll, I am functioning. I'm doing good concidering everything that's happened in the last few years. I think that she thinks I am going to become like some of her students at her school...like, cut myself, try to kill myself, bla bla. I am seeing a counjsolor even though I don't want too...can't she be happy with that? lol, I don't need another counsoller. I need my Aunt.

OH well...

On another note, I haven't talked to MIke much. He's back in collage and doesn't have time for a little ol me anymore. Oh well. I guess I understand. We still talk on the phone occasionally, but not much beyond that. Oh well. I have my guitar now, so who needs him? I'm just kidding. Jokeing makes it feel better.

Kali

im still here 3/8/2003

I am bored and tired.

My AUnt is getting annoyted that I am staying up so late lately. But, what do I hvae to get up int he morning for? I am home schooled, so, I basically have all day to do my assignments.I don't really have anything to get up early in the morning, so why shouldn't I stay up late. I think she's just cranky because she has to work in the monrings.

My Aunt wants me to start talking and meeting new people. She says that if I don't agree to go out more, that she is going to try to get me back in school so that I can be around people my own age. She's really getting on my nerves lately. She's nagging a lot. Im not used to it and feeling edgy. LIke I wanna do somthin to do something...I miss the freedom. I hate feeling convined and not being able to do what I want when I want how I want. That's one thing I miss about my old life. I did whatever I wanted. I guess im still "adjusting" as my counsolor says. Its hard and sometimes, I feel like i just wanna leave again.I can't do that though cuz then I would be in big trouble when Im found. BEsides, I love my AUnt...I do...I wish I could tell her. But I am sick of feeling so convined and resticted.

kali

a puppy dog 3/19/2003

wow. It's been awhile since i wrote in here.

Im bored. My Aunt went out with a friend. I think she felt unconfortable leaving me here alone, but, I eventually convinced her that I am fine and am not going any where."Don't worry," I kept telling her.

I can't play my guitar until I get a new strings. Well, I guess I cuold play with the one missing string, but, it wouldn't be too good. I've been listening to a lot of bands with females. I like them. Hole really inspires me. I wanna be just like Cortney Love...haha, just kidding. But, I do admire something about her...she seems to have a free spirit that I would love to have. Not to mention, she has a great sound.

Anyway, I need some book suggestions. I have been in the mood to read. I am going go to the librbary someday this week. Anybody have anything interesting ideas?

OH YEAH! My Aunt got me a puppy! I was so suprised and excited. It's so small and so cute. It's so vulnerable. I love to hold it and take care of it.

I think she got it because we were talking one day, and I said something about never having any sort of animal becuae the "parents" wouldn't want one. I didn't expect her to go out and get me one.

Anyway, gonna get going now..

Kali

I am Canadien here me roar 3/19/2003

Bush is an idiot.

Watching the news. He seems to be on a power trip. "I am the most powerful person in the world. You will never question my authority."

What an idiot.

I am glad that I am Canadien =)

Go Canada! lol

Play Hockey! lol

Kali

A phone call from my mom! 3/22/2003

WOW.

I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED TODAY! MY MOTHER CALLED OUT OF THE BLUE!!!

Anyway, let me start from the beggining. this afternoon, my Aunt and I were making dinner when the phone rang. She answered it. When she answered the phone, I sort of saw her face go blank and she asked me to go into the other room.

Somehow, I am not sure how, but I KNOW it was her. It was so strange how I knew...but I could almost sence that it was her.

Anyway, I was sort of ease dropping on my Aunt. I heard her talking in a very firm voice, almost yelling. "She's safe here." I Heard her saying. "Where have you been the last couple years? DO you have any idea where you daughter has been?" I have never seen my Aunt get this upset before.

I guess that my mom wanted to talk to me,but, my Aunt hung up on her.

When my Aunt hung up the phone she walked over to the table and sat down for a minuet. I walked in and sat by her. She didn't reallly say anything. I guess we both sort of were reading eachtoher's mind.

Faith ( I named my puppy faith ) is jumping on my lap as I write this. I'm so glad I have her. I dn't feel like I Have anybody else right now. I don't know what to do. I miss my mother, but, she hurt me so bad. I know that when she hurt me, it wasn't her. It was the stuff she was doing. We had soem good times together.

What hurts me most is that she left. I wonder if she knows about my "Dad." I wonder if she would care.

SO much has happened since I've seen her last. I've experienced more things than a lot of people. I've seen some bad crap.

SOmetimes when I get this scared I want to run again. But I won't. I am safe here.

I Wonder if my mom is still drinking and doign drugs. I wonder if she is going to just "show up" one day. I wonder where she has been. I wonder why she left. I wonder if she will think I am sick and gross when she finds out about dad, I wonder if she already knows, I wonder if she wants me back.

I wont go. If she comes and tries to get me, I won't go. I will run again. I have people I can stay with. that life isn't easty, but I won't live with her again. What if she wanted to getback together with dad and want me to move in with her? No.

I am staying with my AUnt, and if I can't, I will go back to jail or the street if I have to.

We must take care of ourselfs and I will.

Anyway, takinga deep breath. I am getting ahaead of myself. Maybe it was just a phone call...nothing more.

I am going to go mess arou8nd with my guitar and come down.

Kali

3/22/03 3/22/2003

Well, my mom hasn't "dropped by" unexpected yet.

I'm not sure if I want to see her. But, I do. I'm not sure what I would say.

A part of me hopes that she has changed. HOped that she will say that she is sorry for everything she did while she wasn't "all there," and sorry that she left me. SOrry for what happened with dad, sorry that I had to leave, sorry about the legal trouble.

I don't blame her for everything. I didn't have to run away. I could have put up with it, or, I could have reported it, I suppose. But, I was young, I still am young, but, younger. I was scared that nobody would believe me. I know now that they probably would have.

I just want her to throw her arms around me and tell me that she is sorry and that things will be different. It would; be cool if she really had changed and we could get an apartment or soething and live together. It would be so cool.

I would hate to leave my AUnt after her being so good to me., ANyway, what am i talking about. None of this will ever happen. Even if my mom is clean and she did come back, she wouldn't be able to take care of me, and, who knows how long it would last.

I'm re naming my puppy Destiny...I've always liked that name. I don't know if I believe in "Destiny," but, it is a good thought...

haha, Destiny is so cute. I love her so much. SHe sleeps with me at night...she crawls onto me and licks my cheek and wakes me up. It's so cute. Haha. I'm so glad I have her.

I haven't talked to my Aunt mucha bout the p hone call from my mom. She wants me too, but, erally, what is there to say. I'm not sure how I FEEL about it. I'm not sure of anything right now.

Anyway, off to do some "homework" if you wanna call it that.

im strangeeee 7/13/2003

bored. re strung my guitar today.

decided maybe I don't want to do the band thing right now. thought about it and realized i would have a bunch of people looking at me and watching me play, and that wouldn't be cool...besides, right now, there isn't any pressure. i play for me.

I mentioned in a past entry that a woman one day gave me her card on the street saying that she works in the modaling busness and she wants me to "go try out," or something like that. I was thinking maybe I would do it. i would get some money...but then again, do I want people looking at me all the time??? No, not really.

No, bad idea.

I'm just sick of feeling so dependent upon my aunt and want to kow that if i had to leave again, that, i would be a ble to support myself in a way that wuoldn't hurt me.

I feel confined lately...miss the freedom i used to have...

i like being clean, having food and a warm place...but, it feels so confining sometimes. i doubt anybody understands.

I guess im just strange.

i don't understand people. 7/14/2003

Can't sleep again.

Damn. I haven't been getting a lot of sleep at all lately.

I was really suprised last night when Mike called me. I hadn't heard from his in a long time...since he went back to collage. It kind of hurt. I thought we were good friends, but then, he just goes away and stops calling or stopping by.

Anyway, out of the blue last night, he called. He called kind of late and my aunt was a bit upset...she isn't REALLY confortable with the fact that he's 20 now and I am just goint to be turning 15...though, i do look quite a bit older...i think anyway.

He didn't say much. "Hi." He said.

I didn't even know who it was at first. He had to tell me.

"OH...MIke..." I replied, not knowing what to say. Wanting to know why he just "threw our friendship away." He ws the only friend I had here.

"Sorry I didn't call," he said. "It was too hard to talk to you and hear your voice."

Now, okay? What the hell does that mean???

I don't understand people.

I asked him what he meant and he said he didn't want to talk about it. Aren't we supposed to be friends? I thought friends could talk about things. Whatever. I get so angry when people aren't forward with me and tell me what they are thinking.

So, I have no idea what is going on with him...I'm clueless when it comes to people...and I want to kow what he meant when he said that it was to hard to talk to me. I thought I was easy to talk too..? He said that in the past?

I don't understand people---espcially guys. They just don't make any sence.

We got along so well together and now, all of the sudden, it's to hard to talk to me or even hear my voice? THat makes me feel great.

Anybody understand people better than me? I guess i need more practice at that "human interaction" thing...becuase, I don't get people.

an angry...

Kali

still don't get people 7/14/2003

didn't do much today. im pretty tired becuase i haven't been sleeping to well at night. thinking a bout a lot of things...

im still confused about mike. I wish i udnerstood people...especially guys.

oh well.

the song i've been working on is almost done. it's pretty good. it's a mix between the style of kurt cobain and nine inch nails...now i just have to work on some lyrcs...i might take some singing lessons. i would like to sing my own songs. but, we'll see.

i hate being poor. haha. iknow my aunt would give me the money if I asked, but, i guess it would be kind of a waste and she already spends too much money on me as it is!

oh well, so, im confused...

thinkinga bout Mike. He gave me his number so many I will call..but do I want too...after all, last night he said that it hurt him to hear my voice. lol, maybe I will hurt his ears or something if I called him.

I DON"T GET PEOPLE

This is really bothering me.

1:59 PM tell me.

"OH...MIke..." I replied, not knowing what to say. Wanting to know why he just "threw our friendship away." He ws the only friend I had here.

"Sorry I didn't call," he said. "It was too hard to talk to you and hear your voice."

Now, okay? What the hell does that mean???

I don't understand people.

I asked him what he meant and he said he didn't want to talk about it. Aren't we supposed to be friends? I thought friends could talk about things. Whatever. I get so angry when people aren't forward with me and tell me what they are thinking.

So, I have no idea what is going on with him...I'm clueless when it comes to people...and I want to kow what he meant when he said that it was to hard to talk to me. I thought I was easy to talk too..? He said that in the past?

I don't understand people---espcially guys. They just don't make any sence.

We got along so well together and now, all of the sudden, it's to hard to talk to me or even hear my voice? THat makes me feel great.

Anybody understand people better than me? I guess i need more practice at that "human interaction" thing...becuase, I don't get people.

an angry...

Kali

im strangeeee 7/13/2003

3/22/03 3/22/2003

See page 3

back up copy in http://kalisph.blogspot.com