Acting on Impulse

Dan Goleman has long promoted the believe that an emotionally intelligent person is not impuslive. He cited the "marshmallow test" as evidence of this. The acacemic researchers, however, have never included the ability to delay gratification or control impulses as part of emotional intelligence. They do talk about managing emotions, but this is different than controling impulses. Even though the academic writers and I have tried to make it very clear that Goleman's defintion of EI is flawed in many ways, others are still accepting Goleman's definition. In a new workbook by de Klerk and Le Roux, for example, the stay that "EI means the control of impulses..." (p. 13)

In his 1996 book, Goleman gave the example of a person jumping in the water to save someone and cited this as an example of altruism. But isn't it a bit impulsive to jump in the water to save someone? Here is my satire on this example:

Let's say a person is on their way to a job interview, dressed in expensive clothes. They walk past a lake in a park and see a child of about 8 years old crying for help. Since many schools now are teaching the "stop light" technique, let me use it in this example. First, though, in case you are not familiar with this new poplar behavior control method here is how it works: Red means stop. Yellow means think. Green means go. (By the way, it is interesting to me from an educational viewpoint that a stop light is called a "robot" in South Africa.)

So my question is this: So should a person who sees a child drowing act impulsively or stop and think things through carefully to consider all the possible consequences of his actions? Let's see how this hypothetical example develops. I remind you this is a satire so please keep that in mind.

"Okay, I see a child drowning. I remember the stoplight or "robot" technique I was taught in school. So I see the red light in my head.

I stop.

Then I remember the yellow light so I think...

Hmm. Is this person worth saving? What about my job interview? What would my employer think? Would he admire me if I come in late and wet, or reject me and find someone who is more punctual and more consciencious about being on time? Will I lose my keys if I jump in the water? What about my credit cards? Should I take my shoes off first? What about my shirt? Will it slow me down? I think I read something like that once in the Boy Scout handbook. Is this my chance to do a "good turn" as I was taught in Boy Scouts? The Boy Scout handbook definitely instructed me to "do a good turn daiily". What else did it say? And what else did I have to repeat at the beginning of each meeting when I stood there like a good soldier and held my hand up and repeated what the Scout leaders had me memorize when I first joined the Scouts.

Let's see... I remember now... a Scout is trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedeient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean and reverent. Oh man. This complicates things. I want to be helpful and kind. But no one has told me to jump in the water, so would I be being obedient if I jumped in? In fact, now I see a sign that says, No Swimming Allowed. And if I ruin my shoes and new suit and tie it will cost a lot to replace them, and that isn't being thrifty. So I don't know if I should jump in the water or not. Maybe I should go and ask someone. Maybe I should find an authority. But which authority should I find? Do I check with the police so I won't get arrested for swimming? Or do I check with an expert on swimming and life saving? What would my mother say? What would my dad do? What would Jesus do? What would Ghandi do? What would the president of the USA do? Or the Prime Minster of England or Australia? I really don't know what I should do!

I am getting confused now. What is the "appropriate" thing to do? Is it appropriate for me to jump in fully clothed? My mother used to shout at me for getting my clothes wet. I would ask why and she would say "It's inappropriate." And I was always raised to do the right thing and follow the laws. I remember in Australia they had all these signs that said "Do the right thing". But what is the "right thing" in this case?

Maybe the best thing is to get a rope or something so I won't have to break the law by swimming out. And what would my mother say if I drowned trying to save this person? She would probably kill me! Or at least say how dumb and impulsive I was being. And then again, what would an emotionally intelligent person do? According to the book I read by Dan Goleman, he would stop and consider the consequences of his actions.

Ok, let me think this through again...

What would happen if I died while trying to save this person I don't even know? What would be the consequences of that? I don't even have a will. Who would get my CD collection and my car and bike? I really don't know what I should do. And there is no one here to ask or tell me.

Wait...

I don't hear anything any more. I don't see the little boy anymore.

Well, I guess that saves me from having to decide.

And I suppose he shouldn't have been swimming in there anyhow. He should have obeyed the sign. He should have thought about the consequences.

This satire is to call attention to my belief that one of the main functions of true emotional intelligence is helping us make decisions, and sometimes to make them quickly and efficiently.

The faster we can process emotional information the faster we can make a decision. The more our emotions are in harmony with what really matters in life, what is really important to the survival of the species, then the better decisions we will make. The less time we will spend thinking about what is "right or wrong" or "legal or illegal" or "appropriate or inappropriate". And the less time we will spend on worrying about what we "should or shouldn't do" or in wondering what our father or mother or religious hero figures or anyone else would do. We will let our own feelings guide us to do the "right" thing.

S. Hein
Originally written in July of 2003 in Wombeyan Caves, New South Wales, Australia
Updated November 20, 2008 Podgorica, Montenegro