Heather Drummond - Counselor in Canada

I am feeling a little misrepresented and judged by Heather, so I felt motivated to write this about her. Heather is evidently a licensed psychologist and counselor at Mohawk College in Ontario, Canada. I also feel personally attacked. I accepted the first thing she wrote about me on Josh Freedman's EQ directory site, but when she emailed me recently it started bothering me enough to inspire me to write this to try to feel better. I have a "chip on my shoulder" about psychologists in general. I will be the first to admit that. I think what she wrote will help people understand my resentment. Before I go on, I will show you what she wrote about me on the EQ directory site

Heather Drummond <heather.drummond......mohawkcolleg....ca>
DATE: Thu, 09 Dec 2004 14:40:30 -0500 (EST)
SUBJECT: Question

Thank you for taking the time to respond. The reason I asked was to
help a student with an assignment. However, your surprisingly rude and
defensive response answered my question beautifully.

I hope life gets better for you.

Take Care
Heather

At the time, I didn't remember she was the same person who left the note on the EQ directory saying I was writing from a wounded person, low EQ perspective. But then I noticed it later. I checked her email addresses to make sure it is the same person. I found something on the net to convince me it was, even though she used two different email address, one being "hdrummond....tcet....com" and the other being as shown above from her college. (I've changed it a little, as I changed her emails above so she won't get so much junk mail, in respect for what Josh Freedman wrote me - which I will post later with his permission that he has already given me.)

I also feel undeserving of her attack on me. Was I really "surprisingly rude"? Yes, I was feeling defensive, but I have a reason to feel that way, and I explained it. I still feel defensive and a bit hostile. So now I have to ask myself the question, do I want to hurt her back? Yes. That is my first answer. I really resent these supposed professionals criticizing me when I really can't see that they are in any way superior to me. Or let's say I want to discredit her a bit. Help people see what she is really like and what so many psychologists are really like and how poorly they really have been trained.

I am going to ask my emotional intelligence consultant, Sarah, (see her comments) to look at this because she can usually see things clearly. And say things more simply than I can. But it sure seems to me that when someone says "answered my question beautifully" and then they say "I hope life gets better for you", they don't really hope it does. Actually, they want to hurt you, even though they realize you are already hurting. And this is a trained, licensed counselor, who evidently works with college students. I'd really like to hear from some of the people who know her. I am hoping someone will look up her name on google one day and read this and then write me. I will put whatever they say on here, positive or negative.

Also, notice from her first mail, she was trying to sound friendly by saying "Hi Steve". This reminds me a bit of Rob Emmerling's letter to me a while back when he wanted something from me. (see EI consortium file) And as long as I am bitching, should there be a question mark as she used in her email? It is all very confusing to me! How did she really feel when she first wrote? Did she really feel "curious?" Or did she feel skeptical? Usually this is why people ask me for my credentials, especially psychologists. And while I am complaining, let me add this. If anyone needs to ask me for my credentials, they can't see that my work speaks for itself. I didn't learn these things in some university! And I feel both defensive about that, and proud of it. And also I feel sad that so many people with professional degrees and titles can't see the value of my work and judge me more by whether I have some title than by the work itself.

And I just noticed, she said "Thank you for taking the time to respond." But did she really feel thankful? Or was this more of a way to mask her real feelings? I think she was feeling more sarcastic than cynical, but who knows.

Another thing... does she really need to put three titles after her name? "M.Ed.", "C. Psych.", "Counsellor " How many people in the world who are not psychologists or education majors even know what these mean!? I looked and looked on the Internet for something that Heather had written to help people in the world. I couldn't find anything. So I ask,"What is more important? That I have one or two or three titles after my name, or that I am writing things to try to help people and giving them away for free to the whole world on my site?" Yeah, these psychologists with all their "credentials" really get to me!

Anyhow, I would like your comments. I really don't know how I can not feel resentful when I get treated like this by someone who supposedly is a professional psychologist! I guess I could feel thankful that she gave me some more evidence of what these professionals are really like. Not all of them of course. But this kind of thing has happened so many times that it has convinced me they are not so emotionally healthy as they want us to believe! At least I admit I am unstable, unhappy, resentful etc!

But wait, what really bothers me is that so many young people are going into psychology programs around the world. And they won't be learning things to help them be more compassionate, more empathetic, more human. They will become what I have called "over educated smart asses". This is admittedly harsh, but if we were going to label Heather Drummond, what label would we give her? But better yet, to follow my own advice, let's not label. It doesn't help. I will just say again I feel misrepresented by her, judged, attacked, unfairly labeled, unfairly attacked, undeserving. And I challenge her to think about what she wrote and how she was feeling and be a little more emotionally honest.

Also, I feel "right". I say that because I suspected she wasn't just "curious." Smart people, especially, are rarely "just curious." Especially psychologists! So I feel justified in my skepticism and also vindicated. I feel sad though because I wish I didn't have to attack someone back. I really don't know what else to do. I don't feel very compassionate for her. I feel offended. I feel offended because she attacks my credibility, very indirectly, but still it is clear enough, and yet she doesn't seem to be a model of emotional management skills herself.

I'd really like your thoughts on this. I am trying hard to come up with better strategies for managing my resentment. I have tried not to attack her as personally as she attacked me. But this kind of stuff really bothers me, so let me know how you think I did.

ps I will send this page to her and ask for her comments. I feel better giving her a chance to reply. I am sure we can all learn something.

pps I just found this.... It is an ad for a workshop, supposedly on EI. Heather was one of the trainers. I can see that she follows the Goleman model of EI, so this is probably one reason she doesn't agree with my writing.

Program name: Job Focus Using Emotional Intelligence
Type of service: Employment Assistance Project

Days of operation: Monday to Friday: 8:30 a.m. to 4:30 p.m.
Length of program: Assessment and feedback sessions as well as on-line access, self-paced program estimated to take up to forty hours.

Contact person(s):
Peel Program: Shelley Wideman - EQ Coach
905-949-0049 ext. 2242
emotionalintelligence@tcet.com
2 Robert Speck Parkway, Suite 800, Mississauga (across from Square One at Hwy 10 and Robert Speck Pkwy.)

Halton Program: Heather Drummond - EQ Coach
905-842-7200
emotionalintelligencehalton@tcet.com
243 North Service Road West, Suite 200, Oakville

Program Description: Your Emotional Intelligence (EQ) consists of an array of soft skills that influence your ability to successfully cope with the pressures and demands of your environment. By participating in this program you will develop the critical soft skills necessary to succeed and thrive in the workplace, such as self-awareness, interpersonal relationships and stress management. You will first take an assessment of your Emotional Intelligence and receive a development report that accurately defines and assesses the 15 competencies of Emotional Intelligence. You will then have the opportunity to further develop your EQ skills by completing a cutting edge on-line learning program. You can complete the on-line tutorials from your home computer or from our computer lab. Requires 40 hours to complete the 15 modules. The program also offers individual coaching sessions, ongoing workshops and a membership to our Career Path Centre.

Eligibility: To qualify you must be a resident of Peel, Halton or Dufferin Region, in receipt of Employment Insurance or have received EI benefits in the past three years, or maternity/paternity benefits in the past 5 years.

i only learned three things from my counselor when i was 11. the first thing i learned is that writing helps me when i'm upset and wanna cut. he told me, "instead of actually doing the things that you wanna do like drugs or cutting, why not write a story about it?" so i did, and it helped. i learned that pills will only wreck my liver and not kill me - yes, my SHRINK told me that. lol. and the last thing he told me is that most people that go into counseling only do that because they have emotional problems of their own. otherwise, why would they be interested? if you're always happy you're probably not going to be interested in helping depressed people. which leads me to believe that at one time our dear heather here felt very sad about something or had something relatively earth shattering happen to her. she lived with this but in order to do that she had to adapt to society and eventually become just another over educated, cold-hearted wench to everyone that disagrees with her or makes her feel insecure about her place in society. when she reads your site she probably feels guilty knowing that she's not half the counselor you are. she can see that you're listening abilities are far superior and that you might have better answers than "take this medication and come back and see me in a month." i think you were right when you said that she's most likely just skeptical and needs a reason to discredit you. there's no way she's just curious. but i wouldn't worry about it because your work does speak for itself to people that can see through the "psycho babel." they can see that your work has nothing to do with a college and people STILL come to you. that's something heather may never accept - knowing that she wasted years and years in a college trying to become something that someone else does better without the years of brainwashing. also - i'm sure she's feeling a little dumb right now considering she did go to school that long and her first email DIDN'T NEED THAT FUCKING QUESTION MARK! lol. i laugh so hard when over educated people act like 5th graders. i don't think amelia would make that mistake! hold on - i'm gonna go ask her! nope. i wrote it out on a peice of paper without any puncuation and i asked her, "Does this need a question mark?" she looked at it for a second...read it over once... and she goes, "NO! you're not asking a question!" lol... well, anyways, i'll just get to the point. heather probly saw that you're a better "counselor" than her and you're helping people more and felt guilty. so she made the comment on that site. then she got no response and emailed you to get a reaction. the reaction she got made her feel even more stupid so then she just felt defensive. and you did a great job of expressing your feelings on this. she'll read this and feel hurt most likely, but i doubt she'll be able to tell you that. if i needed to talk to someone, i wouldn't go to her....

First, the word is spelled "babble", babel is something else, like the Tower of Babel, a humorous biblical story about why we all have different languages. But I suppose there is a connection. Second, I feel a little bad when I see you labeling her. I hope that you learn to label your feelings instead of labeling other people better than I do it. I notice that you didn't say "I feel" anywhere in the comments, so how about you try again this time using "I feel" followed by feeling words!

And "I wouldn't worry about it."? Sounds a bit invalidating. Seriously, when you say "I wouldn't worry about it, I don't feel as understood as if you would say "I understand why it bothers you.. then tell me why you understand. Your so good at understanding things, Sarah, you can help people so much by showing understanding.

Actually, I feel more than a little bad about what you said, because here I am saying I want to stop attacking people so much, especially Americans who need to read what I am writing, oops, Heather is not American, she is Canadian, or at least she lives in Canada, but many Canadians are pretty much like Americans, especially around Toronto, where Ontario is, though I don't know how close Mohawk College is to Toronto. But I have been to Toronto and it is a city I never want to go back to. Quebec is way better. Anyhow, I honestly don't want you to label people. Or to use your emotional and verbal skills to cut people apart like I have learned to do. You are even better at it than me I think, because you are probably smarter than I am when it comes to such emotions, people. But this has not served me well. I was poisoned. I was taught things that have only caused me so much pain. I don't want you to destroy all your relationships. I really want you to have a happier life. There is no compassion in your comments. I don't feel much compassion for Heather either. But it makes us look bad to people and appearances do matter for something. But more importantly I really want to stop being so hurtful. People will read what you wrote, some of them, and think you are brainwashed by me, that you are just sucking up to me or something. So later I will put on some of the criticisms you have of me to show them you think for yourself and don't always just tell me what I want to say. Though the skeptical, insecure people will never understand nor even try to. Still there are a lot of people who read my site who come to the site with an open mind, who are looking for helpful information. Calling her an over-educated coldhearted wench will not help those people. It helps us feel better to label and judge people, but only for a while. I want you to help me stop being so hurtful. It is easier to recognize it when someone else is doing it. So I will tell you what I see and I ask you to tell me when you see me being sarcastic or hurtful. I know it's funny. I laughed at your comments, but I know how much it hurts people to feel laughed at.

Maybe we could take some advice from that counselor you had when you were 11. Maybe we could write a story about people like Heather. Maybe I don't have to put her name on here and attack her so directly and personally. I don't know. I really don't like people like Heather. At least from what I have seen of her. But maybe she has another side. You and I both have nurturing, compassionate sides and hurtful, destructive sides. Honestly I don't like attacking Heather ths way. But I can't think of another way to show people the problems with psychologists like her.

Also, I don't know that I am a "far superior" counselor to her. It feels kind of nice to have you say that, but I don't really feel deserving of it. We don't know much about her counseling skills. Maybe she was just having a bad day. Let's at least wait till she writes again, if she does. Now I wonder, do I really want to help someone like Heather, or hurt them. Or do I just want to try to protect myself from being hurt by people like her. It hurts me a lot when people try to discredit me. I can do that well enough by myself! lol. But seriously, I want this site to be more respected, more influential. The Americans need something better than George Bush. Something better than John Kerry who still wanted to kill bin Laden. The USA is the most powerful country in history. You and I can influence people in the USA. All our lives people have not listened to us, not taken us seriously. So we became resentful and learned how to hurt others since we have felt so hurt. But now people do read what I say. Look at what happens when I write about something or someone. It jumps to near the top of the list in Google almost overnight. Look at what happned with my page on Goleman, with my page on your highschool. Type in "Nicole Norris" in google. And soon your name will show up in the top too because I have linked your page now.

Sarah, I told you when you were 11 or 12 that you are a very powerful person. Remember that? Use your power wisely, best friend. And help me to use mine wisely. We are both smart asses. It is easy and fun to rip people apart like Dan Goleman or Heather Drummond. But are we really better than them? Are we wise, or just smart and smart asses? I loved you because you were a smart ass when you were 11 and 12. But now I am asking you to stop being such a smart ass and use your talents more constructively. Everything, or pretty much everything that we say is true, it is just how we say it. I want you to be famous one day Sarah. I want people to take you seriously. I want you to be a great writer. I want you to wake people up and get them to think. To see things as they really are. But we are turning too many people off. We are hurting ourselves. We need to be taken more seriously, not dismissed as unhappy people with a chip on our shoulders. It is easy for people to stop reading what we write. We have no power to make them read it. We are not soldiers. We don't invade countries and force them to obey us and kill them if they don't. I can't force David Caruso to ever open up my site again. It would be a loss if he stopped reading my site. And a lot of Americans have stopped reading it. I am not sure why it is number one really, but I don't want to lose that ranking. Did you notice how my site visitors dropped way down after my little "The people have spoken and they have said 'We are stupid" thing? Yeah, I felt strongly about the elections, but no one likes to hear that they are stupid. Especially when they are insecure. And insecure people don't like to hear they are insecure either. So we have to be very smart, very careful when we write, if we want to be influential. I don't know what you really want in life, but I want to be more influential. I also want to stop my pain. I want people like Heather to leave me alone, stop attacking me, stop trying to discredit me. But why does it bother me so much? Am I that insecure myself? Maybe.

Well I am tired of fighting with people like Heather. On the other hand, I think it's fair enough to show people the truth. But it is about how we present the truth. You're so smart, Sarah. Help me out here. How could we do this better? I am going to think about it. But first, tell me how you feel about what I have written and how much you agree from 0-10 and how much you want to help me be more compassionate and less hurtful, and how much you want me to help you with same.

I was chatting with Anna R. one day and I asked her if she had read this page and asked for her opinion. Here is a copy of our chat.

The Tower of Babel

Genesis 11

¹ Now the whole world had one language and a common speech. ² As men moved eastward, ^[^a^] they found a plain in Shinar ^[^b^] and settled there.

³ They said to each other, "Come, let's make bricks and bake them thoroughly." They used brick instead of stone, and tar for mortar. ⁴ Then they said, "Come, let us build ourselves a city, with a tower that reaches to the heavens, so that we may make a name for ourselves and not be scattered over the face of the whole earth."

⁵ But the LORD came down to see the city and the tower that the men were building. ⁶ The LORD said, "If as one people speaking the same language they have begun to do this, then nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them. ⁷ Come, let us go down and confuse their language so they will not understand each other."

⁸ So the LORD scattered them from there over all the earth, and they stopped building the city. ⁹ That is why it was called Babel - because there the LORD confused the language of the whole world. From there the LORD scattered them over the face of the whole earth.

I got this Oct 11, 2006 and since I am sooooo open minded I am posting it! ha ha